Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: This podcast is brought to you by MHA of Dutchess county and produced by CMJW Entertainment.
This episode of the Vital Women of Washington Heights is proudly sponsored by Levia Med Spa.
[00:00:12] Speaker B: You're listening to the Vital Women of Washington Heights.
[00:00:19] Speaker C: Hello everyone, I am Iris Douglas. And joining me today again is my co host, Yvette o'.
[00:00:24] Speaker D: Sullivan.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: Hello everyone. I hope everybody's having a terrific day.
[00:00:27] Speaker C: Yes, I hope so too. We are, I and I, and our guest today, Carol Vincy. And she is the author of Parents Guide to Supporting your ADD and ADHD Daughter.
[00:00:40] Speaker B: There's her beautiful book.
[00:00:41] Speaker C: I know, and this is amazing. And I'm so happy that you did this because I've been struggling with that in my daughters as well. So I'm excited about this episode.
[00:00:48] Speaker D: Well, thank you so much. Just like most conditions, they do research on our male colleagues and then they assume the results transfer to us. And that couldn't be further from the truth.
[00:00:59] Speaker B: Well, thank you, Carol, for being here. This is very exciting for both of us because we have people in our lives that have ADD and adhd. So we're excited to have you here once again. You know, Carol, when I was talking to you, I mentioned that I do a little research related to Dominican Republic to tie it in together with what's happening in the US and in my research, it came about that most parents in Dominican Republic do not understand what ADD is.
A lot of the times they think that their children are misbehaving or just active and it's normal for a child. There is new research coming out that the government is finally understanding this condition, this medical condition. And a lot of advocates in the Dominican Republic are also advocating for education regarding add.
Therefore, it led me to believe that it's so important to have your book translated in Spanish. Have you thought about writing this in Spanish?
[00:01:57] Speaker D: I have connected with someone who teaches Spanish as a or English as a second language to Spanish speaking people and she has offered her services.
I have to pursue it with the publishing company to see what their position is on it. But a number. You're not the first person to ask that question. A number of people have approached me because the Hispanic population in the US is growing significantly and not fair to have them in the dark in terms of the fact that both adults and children are not lazy, crazy or stupid. Science has proven that our brains don't secrete sufficient dopamine, which is why we struggle with certain functions. We may be excellent and above age level in certain tasks, but others are impossible for us.
And that's what I'm trying. The myth that I'm trying to bust that, you know, if our life depended on it, and particularly for me, I can list a couple of functions. If my life depended on it, there's certain things I can't do.
[00:03:04] Speaker B: It's so important to educate the public, not just the English speaking population, but also the Latino population, because there isn't enough information out there, especially when it comes to young girls and women. So thank you so much for writing this wonderful book.
[00:03:18] Speaker D: And that's why the title is Daughters. And I've been approached by somebody and said, well, I only have male children. What about them?
The condition is gender neutral.
Women in the US Are more than half the population, and yet our male colleagues are three times more likely to get diagnosed and treated in school because of their disruptive behavior.
Women sit there quietly in class. So according to the teacher's ideal students, we turn our homework in on time while we sit there quietly dreaming about how we're going to commit suicide.
The suicide rate in the US among females between the age of 12 and 20 is absolutely out of control, according to a study that's been done by the cdc, the Centers for Disease Control.
I'm not a parent, but that is horrifying. I cannot imagine dealing with a child who has thought that their life is so unfulfilled at such a young age that they want to end it. It's. It's just more than I can imagine.
[00:04:16] Speaker B: Thank you for bringing up that point, because I never made the connection that there is a correlation between a female having ADHD and the suicide rates. And for females that are going through this, to even think of taking their.
[00:04:31] Speaker C: Lives, well, I can definitely relate to that because when I was 14 years old, I tried to commit suicide because I do have adhd and so do my daughters. And it's like a chaos in your mind. It's literally chaos. You know, you don't know what to do. You wake up in the morning, your parents are fighting, your mother's arguing. You're not doing anything right. Why am I here? You know, you get into this really chaotic energy that gets into your. Your mindset, you know, and when you.
[00:04:56] Speaker D: Don'T feel understood or there's no outlet for your frustration, you know, regardless of how hard you're trying, you know, as I said, there are just certain things that I struggle with to this day, and I'm well beyond that age group that I just.
It's difficult for me. You know, I. I've outsourced some of them I have, I hire, I have a cleaning person who comes into the house and cleans, you know, it's, it's something that never gets to the top of the list.
[00:05:28] Speaker C: Absolutely. And I share that. Yeah, I can share that. Because when you're like constantly, like Yvette and I are constantly talking and we're like, you know, trying to get resources and trying to get some information so we can, you know, talk about, you know, and educating our audience. And it's. My challenge is staying organized. I can't. My closet is a mess, the shoes are all over the place. My hats are a mess. I can't. And that's not a priority. But it's important because especially when you have add, if you don't stay organized then, and if your house is a mess, then it gets a little more chaotic.
[00:05:58] Speaker D: Oh yes. And in my corporate life, I, toward the end of my corporate career, I had secretaries who'd come into my office at 4:30 or 5:00 clock in the afternoon and order my desk.
When I left the corporate world and I started my own businesses, I hired an organizer. She walked into my office and of course there's always three inches of stuff.
[00:06:19] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:06:19] Speaker D: And she said color folders.
And, and this was in 1993.
And I have used color folders religiously since then because clutter is probably the most common struggle across, you know, all environments and whether it's clothing for that. And for some reason my clothes are always organized. My shirts are in color order, my shoes have a rack. But my paper was totally out of control. And so I don't buy the four colors. You know, it's Staples in one box. When Staples comes out with a new color, I buy a hundred along with the colors. And my brother labeler, I have done that since 1993.
[00:07:07] Speaker B: There's a system you use to stay.
[00:07:09] Speaker D: Organized, you know, and so, you know, I do assessments for small businesses, you know, the staffing. So if the client's report is in a black folder, mine is in a gray folder. If there's a black folder in my, on my desk, I know it either goes into the mail or into my briefcase to be delivered. Mine is, is the gray and that goes in a separate filing cabinet, again with the name, so that I can retrieve it when I, if I have to do a follow up conversation. My favorite color is orange, although I can't wear it.
All my personal expenses go in orange folders and all my bank records go in green folders. So there's a logic to it, but I don't have to go through the three inches of stuff on my desk. All I do is I'm looking for something. What color is it? And that has saved my life. And I recommend that to everybody who I start working with.
[00:08:00] Speaker C: You learn how to stay organized with what works for you.
[00:08:03] Speaker D: And if it, if it gets in the wrong color folders, it's lost forever.
[00:08:09] Speaker B: So you came up with a system that works for you.
[00:08:12] Speaker D: This organizer who I hired, immediately came up with a solution. I don't think I would have ever come up with that. So this is not something you can do by yourself. You know, you need experts in different fields.
[00:08:24] Speaker C: You seek for help. You seek for help because you realize that there was something that you needed to work on. How hard it is for someone with ADD and ADHD to be aware of that, that they need some organ, and.
[00:08:36] Speaker D: How there's a lot of shame associated with the clutter with. You know, I mentioned earlier, lazy, crazy, or stupid. This was the label that a lot of us were given. And so.
And we're sort of hermits because some of us struggle with social skills.
So. And we're, we're stubborn. I mean, we're not stupid. Most of us are pretty smart, but we're ashamed. So we don't ask for help. We try to do it all ourselves.
And you know, somebody who has tried that for a long time, that's not possible. You need support. Absolutely. You need help.
[00:09:12] Speaker B: Can you tell us what does it mean for you or to a person that has adhd?
I know you cover organization and shame, but what does it mean to be labeled adhd?
[00:09:28] Speaker D: You know, you hide.
You know, there's an expression, people say, well, you grow out of the condition. You don't. You get better at masking the symptoms.
And that takes a tremendous amount of energy, energy that could be used for other things as opposed to, oh, my God, how do I. How do I make sure that nobody knows this about me? And there's a condition that I almost left out of any of the discussion. Rsd rejection, sensitivity, dysphoria.
And I didn't realize how impactful that was on my life.
And I, as I said, I almost left it out of the discussion until, you know, you tend to have an emotional reaction to something that is well beyond what the situation was. Triggers.
[00:10:25] Speaker C: Right. Yeah, I totally get that.
[00:10:26] Speaker D: So, you know, you're sitting there blowing up about some trivial thing just because it hit on that sensitivity that you thought. I thought I was covering it up.
We don't grow out of it. Science has proven that Our brains don't secrete enough dopamine.
And now with all the research that's available today that wasn't even available 10 years ago, they know that. So it's not, you know, your imagination.
[00:10:54] Speaker B: So are you saying just from my understanding that somebody with ADHD sometimes may start a fight because they need to feed their brain that dopamine and it gives back to them, to their system, yes, they will.
[00:11:06] Speaker D: It's a stimulant.
So, you know, if everything's going calmly, you need. You need a challenge. We're attracted to challenges.
Novelty, newness.
And in my corporate life, my add, now that I look back over the 25 years, that's what triggered me to say. The people would say, it can't be done. And I go, watch me.
Because there was a challenge.
And, you know, I didn't use fights, but I, you know, you just put something out there and say, oh, instant motivation. And I'd be connecting the dots long before my colleagues could even figure out what the dots were.
And that's how I excelled in the later part of my corporate career.
[00:11:57] Speaker B: In my experience. I have several people in my life that have ADD and adhd, and they're brilliant, super smart, they learn very quickly, and they're very sociable. But for them, what you mentioned, a lot of the times they need to feed that dopamine, and it could be a conversation, and they select one thing from that conversation and turn it into an argument. And it's very difficult sometimes for me to be around that because I don't know how to handle it. And thank you for sharing that. That's something that they don't mean to do, but it happens automatically because of the way their brain functions.
[00:12:34] Speaker D: By instinct. And God only knows where that comes from. But I manage mine with exercise and nutrition.
So if somebody displays the behavior of, you know, I just need some relief, think about some way to engage them in some activity that would simulate exercise. For me, it's golf.
I typically walk 36 holes of golf a week. Not play, but walk well, you know, because in the car you get three steps and you get back in the car. But, you know, it's usually 14,000 steps, depending on how straight I hit the ball.
But people can tell on my face if I've played golf within the last 48 hours, even if I'm on a zoom call.
You know, it's magic.
[00:13:24] Speaker C: It's your release. It's your release.
[00:13:27] Speaker D: It satisfies that natural flow of whatever dopamine energy is in a constructive way. And in my corporate life, I was on quota for a good deal of the time. So I still have that competitive nature.
Just walking around in the park doesn't do it. You put a little white ball on a patch of grass and you've got my complete attention.
So I'm not saying that everybody relates to that, but find something that satisfies that, because if not, it's illegal drugs and alcohol.
The body demands satisfaction for that deficiency.
[00:14:02] Speaker C: Absolutely needs to feed on something. I totally get that.
[00:14:05] Speaker D: And this is why, you know, one of the challenges is type 2 diabetes and overweight, because we tend. Shopping in the grocery store is one of those dull, boring, repetitive activities that holds no appeal. And then it's 9 o' clock at night and we realize we're hungry because we haven't even eaten lunch. And so we, you know, stop at one of the fast food places, which are not the healthiest type of diet.
So, you know, I typically cook once a week, whether it's Saturday or Sunday for the week. And then I put portions in the freezer and so that I can pop them in the toaster oven and I have something. And, you know, they talk about walking the outside aisles. So all the vegetables and fruits and protein, not the crackers or Oreos or chips. That's right.
And, you know, I'm actually working with somebody in England who's. But who's got a program to. To fight, you know, diabetes and different ways of getting out of that rut. Because that's serious stuff.
[00:15:02] Speaker C: Oh, absolutely. I have a daughter who has add, adhd, pcos, and a lot of anxiety, a lot of anxiousness, and somewhat sort of diagnosed with some kind of bipolar, not severe. You know, and when she was a little girl and she was like seven or eight years old, I noticed that she was super, super smart, but she couldn't stay organized, you know, And I was a single mom at the time. My mom was helping me ra, so it was a lot of challenges because I wasn't there all the time, you know, and I kind of feel bad for that, but I now I understand. And now she has a daughter, and I'm like, okay, now we have to behave. We have to structure. With Athena, we need to structure because I seriously believe that these girls with ADD and adhd, and you can, you can kind of concur this, they need structure. Yes, they have to be organized.
[00:15:47] Speaker D: Because if not, people say that structure is limiting, but actually structure provides freedom.
[00:15:53] Speaker C: Okay, I get that.
[00:15:54] Speaker D: And the other thing, and, you know, I remember this before GPS and MapQuest somebody would give me, start giving me directions and I could hear my brain click off.
[00:16:05] Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
[00:16:08] Speaker D: So, you know, people say, you know, with directions, it was only one issue, but people say, well, you know, I gave them directions, but you gave them six steps.
[00:16:17] Speaker B: Right?
[00:16:17] Speaker D: Well, if they click off at the second one, it's not that they didn't hear you, but the brain didn't register. So when you think about structure, break things down step by step by step and having them click off one and then go to the next one and then. But don't package a whole list of things because if that click happens, I've never even read about that. But I just remember standing there listening to my brain go, we're confused.
[00:16:49] Speaker C: Is there a sort of communication? Is there a language that maybe we need for us to kind of.
[00:16:55] Speaker D: But it. The only thing I can say is one step at a time.
[00:16:59] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:16:59] Speaker D: You know, in the morning, what do you do? Do you wake up and brush your teeth first or do you, you know, put your clothes on first, you know, and then brush your teeth after breakfast? Not, you know, boom, boom, boom. These are, brush your teeth, go have.
[00:17:12] Speaker B: Breakfast, go get dressed. That's too much.
[00:17:14] Speaker D: It's too much for some people to remember a nine year old, not because they're being defiant. Well, I was an adult, I was in my 30s when I remember this challenge with directions, it was too much. And yet in a corporate problem or business strategy that I do now, which are energizing, those were far more complex than getting three blocks away in Manhattan to find a store or something.
You know, it, it's hard to put it into a simple, if this, then that. But you have to experiment a little bit and find out what works. Can they handle two directions at a time? Or maybe it's one or, you know, it. You know, the fact that, you know the adage, it takes 21 days to build a new habit. No, that is so untrue. It takes 66 days to build a new habit.
The guy who came up with the 21 days just pulled it out of the air.
And for those of us with ADD or ADHD, it tends to take two or three times that 66 days.
So, you know, it may seem like forever, but you're building life skills.
[00:18:26] Speaker B: I think it adds a lot of pressure to create a timeline for yourself, for me in general, and I don't have adhd. I can imagine for somebody that has it, to think, in 21 days, I'm going to master a skill that's putting yourself in a box and Creating a lot of pressure and anxiety.
[00:18:43] Speaker D: And what I talk about is progress, not perfection.
And I actually spoke at a Rotary club and made that statement. And two days later I got a phone call from a woman who doesn't have ADD or adhd. But she said, I have to thank you. I've been trying to give these clothes away for months.
And when you said progress, not perfection, I just packed up two bags of clothing to take to the church for the drive that they're having just because of that simple, I agree, change of focus. But it doesn't have to be perfect. One step at a time and you build on that and that builds confidence, self respect and motivation. And that's what we're trying to do for ourselves and anyone else in our lives.
[00:19:30] Speaker B: What signs and symptoms should parent be looking for in young girls being that most of the studies are conducted on boys?
[00:19:38] Speaker D: Well, I start in the first chapter in my book is Early Indicators.
And my mom told this story that when I was still in my crib and couldn't form a proper sentence, I would stand there and pound on the rail and go. I cry more because I was done with this dull, boring activity of sleep. I was ready to engage with the world.
And most more people with ADD or ADHD are night owls. I'm a morning person and I would stand there at 5:30 in the morning because that's my normal wake up time even to this day.
And she wanted another hour and a half of sleep because she was an eight hour sleep person. My dad was still in the military and you know, so she was a single mom actually. But that's one of the early indicators that what are their patterns? Do they get angry easily?
Long before I knew anything about the conditions, I remember friends of mine had two boys that were two years apart and the older one always kept his toys neat and clean and organized.
His brother, who as I learned recently has adhd, would take, take them and take them apart. So his mom would say, why don't you share to the older one? And she'd say but, but he messes them up every time I give them to him.
Was he trying to be destructive or was he saying, well if I take it apart maybe I can put it back together differently. You know, you don't have, don't assume that it's a negative behavior. But the curiosity of, well, maybe if I did this to this then it would be something new. But in the meantime his older brother is going, but now it's broken.
[00:21:18] Speaker C: Carol, how intuitive are people with ADD.
[00:21:21] Speaker D: And adhd for myself, very instinctive.
You know, was my nickname as a 3 year old was Bunny because given a choice between a raw cucumber and a piece of candy, I chose the raw cucumber.
Somehow or other I knew the candy didn't make me feel good.
Now, you know, nobody talked about nutrition when I was a three year old.
Nobody at all. And my mother always had a vegetable garden in the backyard. So I'd see, you know, cucumber, the vine and I go.
And she'd go, you have to wait and let it get bigger. No, I wanted it now.
But I have maintained, that's why when I said exercise and nutrition, I have maintained that behavior throughout my life and it's helped me.
And on the exercise, I realized as I look back when, you know, if I was in a three or four week class out of town and didn't have access to my regular exercise routine, my alcohol consumption went up, which is scary.
[00:22:23] Speaker C: Yes, it is.
[00:22:24] Speaker B: And is that a method that sometimes people use alcohol and drugs to quiet the brain?
[00:22:29] Speaker D: Well, as I said, the lack of dopamine is stimulated by exercise and nutrition or alcohol and illegal drugs, not. And people say, well, I don't want to put my child on Ritalin or Adderall because that will lead to addiction. No, that's not the case.
And I've never heard anybody in an AA meeting talk about ADD or adhd, so that, that information hasn't really transferred. But I found myself, you know, two or three bourbons before dinner when we, you know, when we were in these classes where, you know, there just wasn't the availability.
You know, the tennis that I played many years and then the golf that I now play, you know, and I'm just sharing that. And I've mentioned that in a couple of years, times I've spoken on the subject and people after me, after, you know, the talk, have come to me and said, I actually have cut out all alcohol because I realized that that was happening, that I was getting to the point where that was much too much.
[00:23:30] Speaker C: Menopause, we wanted to discuss that because, you know, Yvette is the correlation between.
[00:23:36] Speaker B: Menopause and ADD and adhd.
During my research, I find that perhaps women that may not have experience or have not been diagnosed prior to entering their menopause journey for the first time in their lives, may start to see.
[00:23:53] Speaker D: The symptoms, may appear for the first time, or if you already have the condition, they will get worse. And that's because of the chemical change that goes on naturally in our bodies will gobble up that limited amount of dopamine.
So, you know, again, exercise, which they encourage because we tend to get a little chubby when we go through that. Menopause is also a way to counter that and not eliminate because I still have the behaviors or the characteristics, but it minimizes the intensity of the reaction.
[00:24:28] Speaker C: Once you balance it. Like with me, I do yoga meditation and I practice Reiki. So that calms me and calms my nervous system. Because if not, I'll be honest with you, Carol, it was a hot mess when I got my menopause. And I keep talking about it because it's very relevant to what we are talking about.
[00:24:42] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:24:42] Speaker C: You know, and that's cutting out sugar.
[00:24:44] Speaker D: In your diet also helps tremendously.
[00:24:46] Speaker C: Oh, absolutely. Big, big time. So that's where I found myself, where I had to kind of rein myself in and just practice more meditation because my ADD and HDD was going wild.
Yes.
[00:24:58] Speaker D: You know, I know people look at me and when I talk about that in the audience and they go, oh, go. Not, not another deal with.
But you know, it's if you, if you understand. I cut all the sugar out because I was having knee pain. I'm a downhill skier and the applied kinesiologist, chiropractor I was seeing at the time said take sugar out of your diet for 90 days. Well, I could do anything for 90 days because otherwise I was sitting with ice packs and a leave every time at the end of the ski day. And so it wasn't for menopause. I'm not sure I would have done it for menopause, but it was that part of my life and I was able to downhill ski without knee pain. And the menopause symptoms were not at all severe because you're distracted.
[00:25:48] Speaker C: I'm sorry, mommy.
[00:25:49] Speaker B: Sugar is very damaging for the body and a lot of people don't realize and especially with somebody that has ADD and you're consuming sugar and your brain automatically is already racing, it's going to add more to your brain thinking out of control.
[00:26:06] Speaker D: It is. It is terrible on a number of levels, but certainly more impactful with. With ADD or adhd. Yes.
[00:26:15] Speaker B: Is it inherited?
[00:26:17] Speaker D: It is genetic. Genetic, yes. It is almost as genetic as height.
[00:26:23] Speaker B: That's interesting.
[00:26:23] Speaker D: Yeah, I know. I got mine for my dad.
If you ever wanted to see his workbench, the tools were always scattered all over the top of the table and nothing was in size order.
You know, it was, you know, but again, we didn't know at the time. He built a two car garage with a play Area on top, laid all the bricks, poured the cement, you know, designed the whole thing. Look at that.
Without any training, it wasn't his profession.
[00:26:55] Speaker B: So even if your brain is racing all over the place, you can still focus and, and be successful with certain things or certain areas in your life.
[00:27:03] Speaker D: The thing I encourage people to find is what they excel at.
Everyone has some core skills, and if you can identify what those are, you will get recognized, you will get compensated, and you will have a complete sense of achievement. And one exercise that I did when I was. When I left my corporate job, I was part of an outsourced, an out program, right. And one of the exercises that they gave us was list the three things you loved and the three things you hated in your last five positions, which is what I recommend to everyone because. And I.
I realized the pattern not only was for the last five positions I held, but all the way down to when I was a teenager, the consistency was amazing.
And so if you can position yourself in places where you excel and then are confident enough to say, if you're in a relationship, you know, honey, I just can't do this.
Can we hire somebody? Would you mind taking that task as part of, you know, the sharing of responsibilities and not try to hide it or not commit to, yes, I'll do it. Knowing that there's no way, God's earth, that you're going to be able to get it done.
That's. That's a conversation I encourage. And then, you know, like, women shared recipes forever.
Right? So, you know, barter. Agree to have somebody else pick up the kids if you forget, which is a little scary. Right. Your child is sitting on the curb and everybody else is home.
[00:28:41] Speaker B: But it does happen.
[00:28:42] Speaker D: It does. But, you know, have the confidence to say, I will do this for you if you do this for me.
[00:28:50] Speaker B: I need help.
[00:28:51] Speaker C: Yeah, but it's hard sometimes. People judge.
[00:28:53] Speaker D: Oh, absolutely.
How could you be so irresponsible and leave your child?
[00:29:00] Speaker C: But at least they're saying, listen, I need help.
[00:29:02] Speaker D: I need help.
And, and this is something I can do for you that, you know, you may not enjoy or find comfortable or even have a sense of. I wouldn't even know where to start. And yet, for us, like, for me to do business strategy, work with clients is the easiest thing and the most energizing thing I can do because it's a problem, it's a challenge, and that's. That's what lights my brain up.
Oh, I love it.
I mean, look what I did. I wrote a book.
[00:29:31] Speaker C: I know this is why I'm saying, because I could see, you know, recognize early signs of ADHD in. In Girls Break free from the cycles, misunderstandings about your daughter's behavior. I was very upset when my daughter was acting a certain way. I even went to a psychiatrist. I said, look, she said, she needs structure. She didn't diagnose her at the time. But now I know what my daughter was going through. She's 38 now. But, you know, now I understand. So now people are going to understand better because you wrote this book. So I'm really well.
[00:29:56] Speaker D: And I also say you can parent yourself, right? I mean, the process I went through and, you know, I mean, you know, finding, remembering some of the materials, the experiences that I had as I was writing, you know, somehow or other I found a remote wrinkle in my brain that said, you remember that? Oh, I mean, that clicking off of my brain. If you had asked me specifically that question, I would have, oh, you're crazy. I never had that issue. But then, you know, as I'm writing and thinking, what are events that I can talk about that would maybe relate to other people?
The stuff came up. And so, you know, that's what is responsible for the book. And I use both terms. The medical profession today only talks about adhd.
When I started this research, a colleague of mine said to me, if you only talked about adhd, I would have ignored your work, because that's my brother.
And a coach that I was working with said, that's such a mouthful. Can't you just shorten?
And then one of her peers said in a conversation that we were having, she said, I don't have adhd. I have add.
So that cemented the fact that I needed to use both. Because some women, particularly if you're over 40, you don't have ADHD or you don't want to admit, you know, that that doesn't mean anything.
[00:31:14] Speaker B: Well, the age stands for hyperactivity. And not every female is hyper, and.
[00:31:19] Speaker D: Most of us are not, which is why we get ignored.
The average age women in the US are diagnosed is 39. When they take their children for treatment. And they sit there on the other side of the desk with their child going, that's me, that's me, that's me. And just because nobody has ever laid it out for them before. And you, you know, I mean, I wrote a book earlier, and a woman who carried it in her gift shop, she said, oh, my God, you changed my life. I thought I was the only one in the world who was like this.
Part of it. We don't read a lot, so.
[00:31:58] Speaker C: Carol, mental illness and hdhd. Talk to me. Talk to us a little bit about that.
[00:32:04] Speaker D: I don't consider it mental illness.
[00:32:09] Speaker C: I don't consider it either, but maybe some other people can. So how can you differentiate that?
[00:32:14] Speaker D: It has such strengths that if you can position yourself in roles that highlight your strengths, you will have a very successful, happy life.
[00:32:26] Speaker C: I agree.
[00:32:27] Speaker D: If you constantly not getting enough sleep, eating the wrong food, tolerating inappropriate behavior, it may turn into depression, suicide.
You know, other things that might qualify as mental health.
Some of the most successful people in the world have ADD or ADHD. Richard Branson, David Needleman, who started JetBlue Airlines.
Brilliant people.
I go back, I wrote a chapter for a book that hasn't gotten very far off the launch pad yet.
Leonardo da Vinci probably had adhd. Oh, yeah. I mean, he was the master of everything, right? He carried. But talk about procrastination. And then he carried the Lisa around with him for 15 years because it wasn't quite done yet.
[00:33:23] Speaker C: It's crazy, right? In his mind, it wasn't.
[00:33:25] Speaker D: It wasn't done yet. Right.
But he. He designed the water system for a city in. In Italy. He tried to build a point, an airplane way back in his era, long before the Wright brothers was either even a twinkle in their eyes. I mean, that's so cool to know. I didn't know that. You know, he.
He was truly a Renaissance man.
And because he was the bastard son of a very wealthy businessman, he had all the financial resources but didn't have to follow in the family business because his, you know, his father was in the bookkeeping, you know, money person, which he had no interest in, but wasn't required to take over the business.
[00:34:06] Speaker C: And he was pretty much free to be whatever he wanted to do.
[00:34:09] Speaker D: That's right. And so he was. He was extremely creative. And look what, you know, the contributions.
[00:34:14] Speaker C: I agree. I read that, you know, people with ADD and HDHD are very creative, Extremely creative vision.
[00:34:22] Speaker D: Creativity.
[00:34:23] Speaker C: Visionaries.
[00:34:24] Speaker D: Focus when we're interested.
[00:34:27] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:34:28] Speaker D: Persistence.
You know, like Edison said, I didn't fail 10,000 times. I just found 10,000 things that didn't work right.
Self confidence.
I mean, in first grade, the teacher wanted somebody to be a monitor. And I raised my hand, walked up to the front of the classroom, can't do phonics. So she said, well, what are the initials of this child's name? And I couldn't do it.
And at that point I labeled. I branded myself stupid in first grade. That's what happens.
[00:34:58] Speaker B: But just because you can't accomplish a certain skill, it does not mean that there's a lack of intelligence. And I'm so grateful that you wrote your book, and I love all the details and the size because sometimes when you have a large book and as a parent, you get intimidated and you don't want to read it. But this, I would call this the Bible of add, not other books that have a lot of information for parents. Because in your book, you really are pointing out a lot of the characteristics that young girls may experience.
And we're coming to the end of our show. Carol, perhaps you want to share something that we didn't ask or that you forgot to mention.
[00:35:38] Speaker D: Well, I'm hoping that it will be in Spanish, and I will do that. I'm also working with someone to convert it into an audio version because 50% of us have dyslexia.
So even reading a small book is a challenge. So I've. I've identified a service to do that, and so I'm hoping that I'll be able to add that to the availability of the information.
[00:36:02] Speaker B: Terrific. Terrific. Well, thank you so much for coming on our show today and sharing your journey with ADD and adhd.
[00:36:11] Speaker C: Iris, girl, I'm just happy you were here because this made a lot of sense to me. I've been struggling with this. I'm, you know, if I don't meditate, I'll be honest with you. I'll be all over the place. So I'm very grateful for this opportunity to have you on this.
[00:36:23] Speaker D: Thank you so much. There is no one answer and, you know, trial and error and having the confidence to just not give up in yourself.
[00:36:31] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:36:31] Speaker D: That's the message that I would like to.
[00:36:33] Speaker C: Because we're all very special and we all have what we need inside. We just need to figure it out and align ourselves with it.
[00:36:39] Speaker D: Perfect.
[00:36:39] Speaker C: Thank you so much.
[00:36:40] Speaker B: And thank you to our audience for taking the time to listen to our show. And always thank you to our wonderful producer, Connor Walsh.
[00:36:47] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:36:48] Speaker C: And Andrew o', Grady, Mental Health America. Thank you so much for being our sponsor. Appreciate you.
[00:36:52] Speaker A: This podcast is brought to you by MHA of Dutchess county and produced by CMJW Entertainment. Thank you once again to this episode's sponsor, Levia Med Spot.
