The Vital Women featuring Laura Stinziano, Author of "Don't Say You Don't Remember"

[00:00:00] Speaker A: This podcast is brought to you by MHA of Dutchess county and produced by CMJW Entertainment. [00:00:06] Speaker B: You're listening to the Vital Women of Washington Heights. [00:00:14] Speaker C: Hello, everyone. Hello, everyone. And welcome back. [00:00:17] Speaker A: Yes. [00:00:18] Speaker C: Again with discussion today with Lauria Stanziano, author of don't say you don't remember, excited to be here in our 10th episode. Thank you so much for being here, Laura. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. My name is Iris Douglas and this is my co host, Yvette o'. Sullivan. [00:00:34] Speaker B: Hello, everyone. [00:00:36] Speaker C: We are the, we are the host of the vital women of Washington Heights, living in Dutchess county and we're, we are here to explore new, new ways of handling different things that we go through life, especially mental illness. And Laura is, you know, she's gracefully know we asked her to come on the show or I don't know how it went, but I'm just happy you're here because just by vibing before we started, I'm just happy to. For you to share your stories. [00:01:05] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:01:05] Speaker C: I, I the similar stories, you know. [00:01:08] Speaker A: Yes. [00:01:08] Speaker C: Thank you so much for. [00:01:09] Speaker A: You are so welcome. I am so pleased to be here. [00:01:11] Speaker C: Yes. [00:01:12] Speaker A: It's an honor. [00:01:13] Speaker B: Yes, absolutely. It's an honor to have you as well. But we are excited to have our 10th episode because Iris and I took some time off from recording. We went on fabulous vacation to recharge ourselves. We are back at work again. [00:01:29] Speaker A: Ready to go, right? Ready to go. [00:01:32] Speaker C: And you know what? We needed that. Because every time you take this, my grandmother used to say, m, you have to take a vacation because every time you come back, you come back with a clear mind. [00:01:41] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:01:42] Speaker C: Recharge, you know, with more downloads. You know, you upload, you download and you just come back, reset. So we are excited to just, you know, start, you know, and I'm glad you're here because we're starting with mental health, you know, and, and it's all about releasing, especially when you're on vacation. You have to release. [00:01:58] Speaker A: Yes, release. [00:01:59] Speaker C: You can't hold on to the negative energy. You have to appreciate the fact that you're having a vacation because a lot of people can't. [00:02:05] Speaker A: Right, Absolutely. [00:02:06] Speaker C: They can't or won't go on vacation. [00:02:08] Speaker A: Right. [00:02:09] Speaker C: For years I didn't go on vacation, ladies, because I wasn't doing that. I had to work. Work, work, work. [00:02:13] Speaker A: Right. [00:02:13] Speaker C: Single mom, you know, I'm from the heights. Yeah. The hustle was real, so I had to do what I have to do. But you must take a vacation. I don't want to talk too much. [00:02:21] Speaker A: About the vacation, because we. [00:02:23] Speaker C: We want to definitely share our. Our experiences because for me, my vacation was going back to my ancestral roots. [00:02:29] Speaker A: Okay. [00:02:30] Speaker C: So Yvette and I are definitely putting something together. Talk about that. Right? [00:02:33] Speaker A: Beautiful. We are. Wonderful. [00:02:37] Speaker C: Yes. Yes. [00:02:38] Speaker B: So May. May is recognized as Mental Health Month. And that's why we decided to have you on as a guest, because you have done wonderful work with your book that you wrote that we're going to talk more about and that we're going to unpack. And being that we are sponsor. Iris, who's our sponsor. [00:02:56] Speaker C: Mental Health of the Mental Health America of Dutchess County Brady. You know, it's. I'm. I'm just happy that we have such a sponsor like that because it all. It all goes together. We're having the same conversation. [00:03:08] Speaker A: Yes. [00:03:09] Speaker C: You know, I quote him all the time, and I hope he doesn't mind. It's like you. Nothing works without the mind. You. If you don't have good mental health, you don't have good health. [00:03:16] Speaker A: No. [00:03:17] Speaker C: And, you know, that's. That's his mantra, and I want to give that to him. So I'm glad that he's our sponsor because we were definitely having the right conversations. [00:03:25] Speaker A: Absolutely. Absolutely. [00:03:26] Speaker B: And they're located very locally in Poughkeepsie, New York. [00:03:32] Speaker A: Okay. [00:03:33] Speaker B: Poughkeepsie, New York. 253 Mansion Street. [00:03:36] Speaker A: Right. [00:03:37] Speaker B: Yes. And they have, you know, lots of mental health services and also programs for addiction programs as well. So it's a terrific organization. So we're very happy and grateful that they are our sponsor. [00:03:50] Speaker A: Wonderful. [00:03:51] Speaker C: Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. And thank you, Yvette. [00:03:54] Speaker B: You're welcome. But there's. We also have our Bochin Che, which I explained to you what a botinche is, Laura, prior to recording. And what I would like to share is that in Dominican Republic, they do not have a day, per se, that celebrates or talks about Mental Health Day like we do in the US but they do partake, in which I also learned this. I didn't know this. They partake in the World Mental Health day in October, October 10, to raise awareness. And apparently the entire world honors mental health during October 10th. So that was a learning curve for me to receive this information, you know, and it's interesting. [00:04:42] Speaker C: I'm going to go off a little bit off the box here because the date is interesting for me. So it's October 10th. So number 11 is an angel number. [00:04:52] Speaker A: Yes. [00:04:53] Speaker C: 11 is a number that brings in the frequency. [00:04:55] Speaker A: Yes. [00:04:56] Speaker C: And October 10th, that puts it. That's what it adds up to. So you have one one. Because you don't count the zeros. [00:05:02] Speaker A: Right. [00:05:03] Speaker C: So, you know, I just. I like talking about my, you know, spirituality. [00:05:07] Speaker A: I like that. [00:05:08] Speaker C: It kind of makes sense to me on a synchronous. Synchronous or low level on how things happen, because I follow my angels. I follow me, too. So it's. It. It just. I just wanted to put that out there. That's. [00:05:21] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:05:21] Speaker A: Thank you very much. I love that. [00:05:23] Speaker C: Thank you for. For saying that. And thank you, Yvette, because Yvette has a way, and she doesn't even know of making me really happy, because October 10th is. It's. It's. So we're Dominicans. 11. 1111 makes me happy. [00:05:39] Speaker A: Like, that's my number. [00:05:40] Speaker C: It's in my body. Do you see what's happening here, Laura? [00:05:45] Speaker A: I do. [00:05:46] Speaker C: It's in my body. I do remember, you know, so. [00:05:48] Speaker A: Yes. [00:05:48] Speaker C: Yes. Thank you. [00:05:50] Speaker B: You're welcome. [00:05:51] Speaker C: She always says something. I'm like, oh, yeah, all right. You're talking too much. Like always. [00:05:58] Speaker B: No, that's okay. [00:05:59] Speaker A: It's great. We need to talk. Yes. [00:06:02] Speaker C: Yeah. For real. [00:06:03] Speaker B: Communication is very important. [00:06:04] Speaker A: Yes, exactly what it is. Yes. [00:06:06] Speaker C: So Yvette's gonna ask you questions now about. About your book. I'm excited. [00:06:10] Speaker B: Y. Announce Laura's title of the book. I don't think we did. [00:06:15] Speaker C: I. I don't know. I think briefly, so. [00:06:17] Speaker B: Oh, she has it there. [00:06:18] Speaker A: Okay. [00:06:19] Speaker C: Oh, my God. And look at you. Very mystical. [00:06:22] Speaker B: I will say. You don't remember. I love the COVID That is a beautiful cover. [00:06:27] Speaker A: You know, everyone that has seen this has said that to me. I designed this cover. [00:06:31] Speaker C: Wow. That's so mystical, girl. That is so definitely my lally. [00:06:36] Speaker B: So tell us how you envisioned that cover. [00:06:39] Speaker A: Well, it went because what I was envisioning was the start of my story of being, say, a child with a lot of emotional issues and progressing through life. And as the healing started to happen, it goes out to the open, which you can see. And you see two people together. And this can mean any two people. Can mean yourself finding yourself finally at the end of that road or two people connecting together. Because there's a lot about a lot of different things in my story, and I'm not going to tell what it's about, but that's why I did this, because if you read it, you're going to see all the connections that come together in this story of people coming together, of people learning, forgiving. It's just a lot. And I thought by the darkness going into the light, that's what it's about. [00:07:27] Speaker B: Definitely clearing it out. [00:07:29] Speaker C: Girl Coming out of the muddy water like the lotus. [00:07:31] Speaker A: Yes, yes. So that's exactly. [00:07:34] Speaker C: That was very intentional, right? [00:07:36] Speaker A: Yes, yes, yes, yes. It just fit. You know, it was a lot of thought going into this, but getting everything together now, it just made sense. Coming out of the darkness into the light. [00:07:49] Speaker B: Well, we would like to hear more of, you know, what motivated you or inspire you to write the book. [00:07:55] Speaker A: Well, because of my own issues of mental health and trauma, throughout my whole life, I was ignoring a lot of things, and I was keeping them repressed. And although I was a functioning human and I was. And I did everything I had to do in my life, I worked my whole life. I took care of my family, but I wasn't healing. And finally when I retired, the quietness set in, and, you know, I was. It's. My life was chaotic, and all of a sudden it wasn't. And it was. Everybody was gone. I had nobody in my house except for my younger son, but he worked, so he really wasn't here. But all of a sudden, I just felt like I. I couldn't do it anymore. I was. I was. I was struggling and I was spiraling because I didn't have that commotion. I needed to be busy all the time. But I wasn't fixing it. I wasn't fixing myself. So I said, you know, I need to do something to help myself. But I really wanted to help others as well, because I. Through my whole entire life when I've worked in the medical field, I have been in contact with so many patients. I worked in oncology, you know, for cancer, and I. I just saw so many people struggling with all of their own issues and. And mental problems. And I was always that person for them. I always wanted to be that person for. For everyone to be there to help them. And it just clicked. And I said, I have to do something. I couldn't have gone through all. I have for nothing. I needed to do something for others, and that's why I did this. It helped me because I needed to help myself. I needed to heal and to understand what I was going through before I can do anything else to help anybody else. [00:09:27] Speaker B: Well, speaking of healing and understanding yourselves, what strategies did you typically use to manage your stress or challenging emotions during the time that you were working or during or after you retired to heal yourself? [00:09:45] Speaker A: Okay, so now my biggest thing in my life, and it's always been this way. People think I'm a nut, but I have to sing. Like, it's literally my Out. I. I sing and dance constantly. And it's. And it's just the music. Music is. Is just. It resonates with everyone, you know, like, everyone can. Can identify with music in some sort of way, but that was something I always needed to do for myself. If I felt horrible and having a really bad day, I went home in my car. I mean, if I was working and I was like, just, like, shutting down, I would go in the car for lunch and sit there and put the music on, and I would just, like, delve into the music and sing. I constantly am singing. It's just like. Just something I have to do for myself. And that's really what kept me grounded. A lot of my life is doing that. And I was a dancer in my younger years. I was a tap dancer. And from childhood all the way until my teens, the dancing. You need to move. You need to get that energy out. And that was my way of coping with the issues that I was dealing with at the time. And I've been doing this my whole life. And then the journaling. That's very important, the journaling I did. I used to as a kid in my diary, right? Every day, what happened today and how I felt, you know, and the journaling was what kind of keeps you grounded because you could see it. You're writing it and you're looking at it, you know, and you're feeling it over again. And that, to me, was what started this whole thing because I. I had to fix me. And the journaling was. Was the main thing because I had to write everything down to see it, to really see it, to feel it. [00:11:17] Speaker C: But, Laura, let me just ask you. You, right, you had to feel it to see it, right? You really did. [00:11:25] Speaker A: Yes. I think I lost you. [00:11:27] Speaker C: It's okay. It's okay. [00:11:28] Speaker B: We can hear you. [00:11:29] Speaker A: Okay, here we are. Okay. [00:11:31] Speaker C: Because that's the whole point. And how did you figure that out? Was it through prayer? Through. Was it meditation? Through. Was it inner work? Through? Was it breath work? Because we had. You and I are very. Have lots of, you know, things in common. And I also want. I want to hear what you. We actually, the three of us, but I want to hear how you did it, because that's important. And then we'll share how we did it, because everyone's going to resonate to this conversation in. In their own way. And when there's more women talking about what helped them, they're all gonna. Everyone's gonna be connected. [00:12:06] Speaker A: Right? [00:12:07] Speaker C: So was it inner work with. Was it a prayer? Was it an awareness. Was it something that. Oh, my God, I, I, this is my purpose. [00:12:14] Speaker A: Right. That was what it was. I, all of a sudden, it was the awareness, and, and it was, yeah, prayer. I pray every day, and I'm very spiritual, you know, and I feel like I, I had it. I had to take myself in a different place now, and I had to focus on myself, and that was the awareness. And then I started to listen to other people speaking, you know, on podcasts of sorts, or people that I really liked that I resonated with, and listening to how they manage their own healing. And I would write everything down, and I would just take it all in, you know, it was just a matter of I had to feel better about what I was doing now, but it was, it was, it was coming to the conclusion that I needed to see things for the way they really were, and I hide it anymore, you know what I mean? [00:13:00] Speaker C: Things had to make sense, right? [00:13:02] Speaker A: Yes. [00:13:02] Speaker C: We're doing things with more that. With the intentional now. [00:13:06] Speaker A: Yes. [00:13:06] Speaker C: It wasn't just, you know, you had to set the intention, like the process. We set the intention. [00:13:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:11] Speaker C: Everything has to be more intentional, because if you set that intention, start building on that. [00:13:15] Speaker A: Yes. [00:13:15] Speaker C: You build on that, and you get better and better and better. [00:13:18] Speaker A: Yes. [00:13:19] Speaker C: That's. That's what we. We would love to like to continue talking about on building. So I just want to ask Laura one more question. How did, how did you know to remember what, other than, you know, how did you know to write a book? Because writing a book takes a lot. [00:13:36] Speaker A: Of guts, and it did, you know. [00:13:40] Speaker C: It takes a lot of guts and a lot of. [00:13:42] Speaker A: And like I said, it does. And it's very stressful, and it's. It's. Oh, my God. The overwhelming feelings that go into it, because like I said, I'm writing about things that I'm relating to myself and putting it into a story. And it was so hard to do that. And I had to take each piece. I had a lot of stuff, and when someone reads it, they'll see the character, what that character went through. But I had numerous things that went on in my life that I had to dissect, and that's what the hardest part of it was, is taking each piece of it, starting from my childhood all the way through. And that was how it went. I had to dissect each piece of my trauma and face it. I had to face it. [00:14:25] Speaker C: Yeah. And I'm. Listen, Yvette and I were talking about childhood trauma and trauma. We were just talking about this, this Is beautiful that we're doing this because that's where it starts. If you don't let go. [00:14:36] Speaker A: Yes. [00:14:37] Speaker C: Girl had that experience. You got to let that go because you're no longer that little girl. [00:14:41] Speaker A: Now. Can I just read a part? A part of the prefix, what I did for my story. So this is kind of make you understand. [00:14:48] Speaker B: Before you do that. Is. Is it a biography? Is your book biography? [00:14:52] Speaker A: No, but it's. It's something like I said. I wrote a story based on my incident that I had to deal with and put it into a character and make a whole story out of it, which was hard. [00:15:05] Speaker B: Okay, so it's a historical fiction based on your history. [00:15:09] Speaker A: Yes. [00:15:10] Speaker B: You have different characters portraying. It's interesting portraying the different people that you experienced in your life. [00:15:19] Speaker A: Yes. [00:15:20] Speaker B: Okay. [00:15:21] Speaker A: Yes. [00:15:21] Speaker C: So that's just. [00:15:22] Speaker A: I'm just gonna just read this because it's like. It's called the prologue, and it's about what you said. Childhood trauma. This is where it stems from. I'm sorry. Everything in everybody's life has to stem from their childhood. So this is what I wrote, and this is how it starts. The older woman sat down next to a very frightened little girl who seemed to be in distress. He knew deep down that she had to do something because this child needed her help. The little girl looked up at the older woman, her eyes brimming with tears. Please, she said. Can you help me? I am so afraid. I have no one. The older woman had tears in her eyes as she looked down at this frightened child in front of her. Yes, I will help you. Please let me help you. The little girl was reluctant at first, but she liked the older woman's eyes. They were warm and friendly. She was beginning to feel uncomfortable with this kind, was beginning to feel comfortable with this kind older lady. The older woman was ready to listen. She reached out to take the little girl's hand into her own. Then she looked right into the little girl's eyes and spoke. It's okay now, Denise. I'm here for you, and I will never leave you again. [00:16:26] Speaker C: Wow. [00:16:27] Speaker A: And Denise is the character, the main character. [00:16:30] Speaker B: That's amazing. I got chills when you started to read. I have chills because I think we can all identify with our inner child. [00:16:36] Speaker A: Yes. [00:16:39] Speaker C: That's how we remember. [00:16:40] Speaker A: Yes. [00:16:41] Speaker C: Because when we're a child, we're. We're free. Our mind is imaginative. We do this. We love to, you know, explore. We're this. We're the king of the world with this. And then life comes. Life comes. And then it Gets, you know, your bucket list is not. It's. It's depleted. Because now people around you, you can't do that. You can't do that. That energy starts happening and then. But that's where we're here now. [00:17:06] Speaker A: Yes. [00:17:07] Speaker C: Don't go there. [00:17:09] Speaker A: Right, Right. Serve you. [00:17:11] Speaker C: It just makes you get stuck in the mud. And you don't want to be stuck in the mud. You have to listen to your inner self. [00:17:19] Speaker A: Yes. [00:17:19] Speaker C: That's going to be a powerful book. And I hope that you continue writing stuff like that. And that was just a little bit of it. So I wanna, I definitely want us to read your book and discuss the book. Because I feel like if you remember with a book like that, which is like a cute fantasy like book, start really remembering it. [00:17:38] Speaker A: Yes, absolutely. [00:17:40] Speaker B: Where, where can we purchase your book? [00:17:43] Speaker A: Okay, so it is on Amazon and It's in. It's barnesandnobles.com and also on Archway because Archway is who the publishing company was that I use. It's on their website as well. And I know that it's on ebook as well. Right now. I went to. Actually I went to Millbrook. I went to the Millbrook bookstore the other day and she's ordered some books. Actually, she's going to have me come there and do a book signing. [00:18:05] Speaker B: Oh, great. Great. [00:18:06] Speaker A: Isn't that wonderful? In our county. [00:18:08] Speaker B: Let us know so we can support you. Yes. Because you are a local author from Dutchess County. That is amazing. [00:18:16] Speaker C: We need to support you. [00:18:17] Speaker A: Yes. [00:18:19] Speaker C: You know, we're all like the same energy. We need to support you. So let us know when you're doing the book signing. So if Yvette's not in town, I would definitely be there and you know, we'll just kind of just support you. [00:18:30] Speaker A: Wonderful. Thank you. I appreciate that. I'm trying to get myself out there. That's why when I reached out, like I'm trying to get my. [00:18:38] Speaker C: I hear you. And you know what? And thank you for not being shy. [00:18:42] Speaker B: Yes. [00:18:42] Speaker C: Thank you for not being Shyvet and I. We started a little shy. We started. But now we understand because we. Our feedback. We can be shy because we're saying things that people want to hear. [00:18:55] Speaker A: Right. [00:18:55] Speaker C: Clearly. So clearly doing that. We're serving our purpose. Just you with your book, right? [00:19:00] Speaker A: Yes. [00:19:00] Speaker C: You were antsy until that book was completed, right? [00:19:03] Speaker A: Yes. [00:19:04] Speaker C: So we feel like there's so much to do. We got to get it together. Yes. Right. [00:19:09] Speaker A: Yes. I'm taking this. I'm going from 0 to 100 because I got a lot of things I need to do. I mean, I really. [00:19:17] Speaker C: Yeah. I'm just gonna say this because. Because I just came back from vacation and I want you to. I want everyone who's listening to understand. You need to take time for yourself. [00:19:27] Speaker A: Yes. [00:19:28] Speaker C: You need to reboot and recharge and reload. [00:19:30] Speaker A: Yes. [00:19:31] Speaker C: You cannot give, give, give, give, give, give. Because let me tell you, you're not. Sometimes you don't receive and you're just depleting yourself. Yes. [00:19:40] Speaker A: Yes. [00:19:40] Speaker C: It's not good for you. If you want to continue with that beautiful light work. Because we are light workers. [00:19:45] Speaker A: Yes. [00:19:46] Speaker C: Workers. [00:19:46] Speaker A: Yes. [00:19:47] Speaker C: If we want to continue with that light work, we need to replenish that energy. [00:19:50] Speaker A: Correct. [00:19:51] Speaker C: Yoga, meditation, movement. You said it. Dance. [00:19:54] Speaker A: Oh, yes. [00:19:55] Speaker C: Dance music. I did Zumba. Well, I was on a cruise. I did Zumba. Yay. I hadn't done Zumba in a very long time. Good. I was just. I was just so happy about that because that feels good. [00:20:07] Speaker A: Yes. [00:20:07] Speaker C: Changed up my energy. [00:20:08] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:09] Speaker C: Just pumped me up for all of this. Right. [00:20:12] Speaker A: It does. [00:20:12] Speaker B: Well, in. In every culture, there's dancing and music. [00:20:15] Speaker A: Yes. [00:20:16] Speaker B: It's great because it's a way of releasing tension, releasing negative energy and putting positive energy in your body. So with that said, you know that Iris mentioned that everybody needs a break and, you know, go on vacation or you can create your own vacation if you, you know, during the COVID years, the staycation concept started, even if you can't travel, but you can create a staycation in your dutchess. County is such a beautiful county and so many things to do now during the summer. But with that being said, how do you, Laura, provide self care? What do you do in order to maintain the sanity that you have found? [00:20:57] Speaker A: Okay, so now I started to walk, you know, every day now, every morning. I didn't do it this morning because I was getting prepared for you, but I try to go out there. I joined the gym. I try to be more active. I love going out in nature. I think that's helpful. I think you need to go out there and just. Just looking at. At nature, the birds and the trees and breathing the air and the sunlight. The sunlight is so important for our mental health, you know, and being outside is very important to me and being with my family, my children, of course, you know, and hanging out my grandkids and I'm like, been such a positive influence on them. Now I see it like, I can't believe. Why am I healing myself how I resonated and helped my chill. My grandchildren, like, they're just wonderful kids. You know, and it's like. It's just you. You have to just feel good about yourself. And that's what I do. I have to do that now. And I feel so much better now. And I'm 66 years old than I ever did in my life. [00:21:54] Speaker C: You changed the script. You changed the script. You didn't. You weren't that other person. That older version of yourself. Right, mom, grandmother, right. That held that energy of, oh, my God, I'm getting old. I'm done. [00:22:07] Speaker A: Right. [00:22:07] Speaker C: Through that, you still had your beauty. Yes, your beauty. And you knew that you can keep it up if you. If you calm yourself down, because. Yeah, that. I feel that you felt that. I gotta get it together because I'm not looking pretty. Yes, yes. [00:22:23] Speaker A: Because age is a number and you have to feel good. I feel. I feel. I can't even tell you. [00:22:30] Speaker C: Just a number because I don't feel 62 years old. I don't feel it. And I'm. It. It's not gonna get me. It's not gonna get me. [00:22:38] Speaker A: That's right. [00:22:39] Speaker B: Yes. [00:22:40] Speaker A: Not gonna get me either. And I'll keep going. And I say, like, everyone, like, oh, my goodness. I dance. I'm out there dancing anywhere. Any of you ready? [00:22:46] Speaker C: Let's go. Call me up. [00:22:47] Speaker A: I'm ready. I'm coming. Because it's. [00:22:49] Speaker C: It's. [00:22:50] Speaker A: It's what I love, and it makes me feel good. [00:22:53] Speaker C: That's what you need. So I want to ask Yvette something because I want to turn the script to Yvette. [00:22:57] Speaker A: Yes. [00:22:57] Speaker C: That is, you know, Yvette, she's. She talks about menopause. And, you know, that was a conversation that you probably should have, you know, and that's her expertise. Because I got into Reiki because I was premenopausal and I felt my energy shifting. [00:23:16] Speaker A: Right. [00:23:17] Speaker C: I knew that intuitively I knew I had to change it up, because I did. I wanted to be better for my kids. [00:23:22] Speaker A: Yes. [00:23:23] Speaker C: So I process my pre menopause through Reiki and energy work. But I want Yvette to kind of just talk a little bit about that because she's. She's, you know, she's helped even me, because I. Believe me, I think I had like two hot flashes on the boat. And I was like, wait a minute again. [00:23:41] Speaker A: But each. [00:23:42] Speaker C: But Yves says something. It never stops. So, Yvette, can you just talk a little bit about that? Because it. This all makes sense. [00:23:50] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:23:51] Speaker B: Yes, absolutely. Well, you know, during COVID that's when I enter my perimenopause stage. And I feel that I was hit with a double whammy because here we are, you know, going through menopause, going through the anxiety and all the emotions that Covid caused, but at the same time, I just felt that I was feeling it double. Like I didn't understand what was happening to me. And then I came to realize I started my pre menopause stage, and it just like took me to a deep spiral of feeling anxious. And I've never been an anxious person, and I've always been a very active person with a lot of energy and lots of ideas, and I just felt like I was dying slowly. [00:24:32] Speaker A: Yes. [00:24:33] Speaker B: And after Covid happened, I decided to incorporate many different changes into my life once I figured out that I was entering, you know, the menopause stage. And it started part of this stage to go through the anxiety, to go through different fears. And I said to myself, because I have practiced yoga also for 30 something years. And. And so I grabbed on to. To my belief, my faith in God, and also to my yoga practice to dig myself out of that. And in digging myself out of that, I started to heal. And part of my healing, I chose it to express my healing process through different creativity. So I am working on many different projects, and the podcast is one of the projects that is bringing healing into my life. And not only healing into my life, but that's how I connected with Iris. So one of the things that I've always say to women when they're going through menopause, don't let your mental health or your body die. Because if you don't bring out that fighting, that warrior in you, it can definitely kill you. So you have to grab on to the right information. Because when you're going to your doctor and you're expressing this to your GYN doctor, they're looking at you like you have ten heads. They don't. And they don't comprehend what you're saying. And you're sitting there like, am I losing my mind? Am I going crazy? So that's what pushed me to become a certified menopause coach. And part of the project is educating women about menopause. We're not crazy. We aren't dying. And we have to reinvent ourselves. Rebirth, you know, and I love when Iris talks about rebirth. And that's what Iris has done through her healing and connecting with women. And what you have done, Laura, also by writing your book, we're all healing. We're all finding how to re energize ourselves, how to recreate ourselves. [00:26:31] Speaker A: Yes. [00:26:31] Speaker B: Because that's what we do at our age, you know, in our 40s and our 50s and our 60s, when we come empty nesters about concentrating on ourselves. It's about self care. [00:26:41] Speaker C: Absolutely. [00:26:42] Speaker A: Absolutely. Just could have said that better. That's remarkable. You're doing a remarkable thing. [00:26:48] Speaker B: Thank you. Thank you. [00:26:50] Speaker C: She. We talk about it all the time. You have to re. Redo yourself, but you have to have rituals too, because what happens is you can't just meditate one day and then three months later, meditate. No, you can't do that. So there has to be a spiritual practice. [00:27:05] Speaker A: Yes. [00:27:06] Speaker C: Not necessarily a religion, but of spiritual practice for yourself. [00:27:10] Speaker A: Yes. [00:27:10] Speaker C: Connect with a higher power. [00:27:12] Speaker A: Yes. [00:27:12] Speaker C: Ah, Jesus. [00:27:13] Speaker A: Love it. I love it. [00:27:15] Speaker C: Whoever it is that you're like, you know, with, you know, I pray to Jesus. I. I pray. You know, I, I went to Catholic school. The church brings me back to center because that's my Dominican, you know. [00:27:31] Speaker A: Right. [00:27:31] Speaker B: Upbringing. [00:27:32] Speaker A: Yes, yes. [00:27:33] Speaker C: You know, right. First, you know, the reiki energy was, Was a plus. There was an enhancement because now I really do believe, because it's like I feel him all the time. Listen, he's in. He's a nice. [00:27:52] Speaker A: Yes. [00:27:52] Speaker C: I have to connect with that. [00:27:53] Speaker A: That's right. [00:27:54] Speaker C: But we first have to care about each other. [00:27:56] Speaker A: Yes. [00:27:56] Speaker C: And you have to be grateful for yourself and then you can start connecting with that part. [00:28:01] Speaker A: Yes. [00:28:01] Speaker C: You know, so. [00:28:02] Speaker B: So, Laura, besides writing your book, what other strategies or methods did you use when you were home alone in, in your own time? You mentioned journaling, but what. And you mentioned walking. And what else did you do? [00:28:18] Speaker A: Well, I would read, you know, and I would always get something that I, I would read that would be helping me. Like I said that. That book from the doctor I read, I always was looking for, for, for books that would enhance the healing inside of me and that would ground me, you know, I would read about and say, wow, I can resonate with that, you know, and. And, you know, it just. I didn't have a lot of calm. I've had a lot of activity in my life, you know, I've always. I have my grandchildren, and it was hard to kind of regroup. But I'll. I sit outside every day, outside on my deck in the sun, looking out at the trees, and I. And I meditate, I guess you could say. And I just calmly, you know, like, just. I have to just think of, of. Of all positive things and I think of all the things that need to be done to help other people, you know, so I keep having these thoughts going on in My mind about what am I going to do next? So that's where my strategies are. Excuse me, I'm strategizing. Okay. I. I want to become a trauma coach, and that's my next thing. So I want to do this. [00:29:17] Speaker C: Go for a girl. Because. [00:29:18] Speaker A: Yes. [00:29:18] Speaker C: Passion. You have that passion and that energy, too, to sit down and listen. Because I find that as a Reiki practitioner and as a Reiki healer, you know, as an energy worker, that you have to listen to other people. [00:29:28] Speaker A: Yes. [00:29:29] Speaker C: Connect with them empathetically. You have to have. I. I've been there, you know, and if I haven't, I'll find you someone because you care. [00:29:36] Speaker A: You care. I mean, I always. All the jobs I had, I. The patients, I was the person. Like, I had to always make someone feel better, you know, and I had to. It was like something I needed to always do. I could not see somebody out there suffering. Like, I would get off my chair and go get them and sit them in the corner and talk to them, because people need other people. [00:29:56] Speaker B: So you mentioned, you know, working with your patients and dealing with life. So can you tell us, what do you think were your triggers? [00:30:03] Speaker A: Oh, boy. Well, you know, triggers at work could be difficult, especially in the high. You know, I had a lot of stressful situations. And the other times when I would have bosses yelling, I triggers me, yell, don't yell at me. You know what I mean? It's like yelling just throws me right off and talking down to me like I'm nothing, you know, And I've gone through a lot of that in my life, careers, you know, having co workers do that to you, you know, and telling you what to do and talking to you like you're stupid like that. That triggers me. Like, I can't even tell you because I'm never. Was never that person to be, you know, taken advantage of in that type of way. Because I was a great worker. I. I was a wonderful worker. And that was a. [00:30:38] Speaker C: That was. [00:30:38] Speaker A: That triggered me a lot. And I do not like to see other people fighting or arguing. Like, I. I can't. It's like I have to be the mediator. Here I come. What's going on? You know, can I help? You know, I had a lot of that in my fields, you know, because people get anxious. They're waiting in the waiting room. I was a medical assistant for 10 years, and I had a lot of people complaining and, you know, throwing all of their. Their negative energy out at me, you know, and I had to absorb all of it, you know, that was big triggers because I was suffering inside with my own things. Never showed it. Never. [00:31:12] Speaker C: Let me just share that. We have so much in common. I was a surgical coordinator for a pediatric ophthalmologist for 20. And that was heavy duty because you have a newborn with double cataracts going into surgery, and you have a mom. You know, it's rough. So I've learned to be compassionate. Yes, there was a. I needed to be very compassionate. [00:31:32] Speaker A: Yes. [00:31:32] Speaker C: And I think that's what you're talking about, that you. With. Even with your sufferings and all your traumas and dramas within you, all these people coming at you, you still had to work, still had to do it, you know? [00:31:43] Speaker A: But at the end of the day, they helped me, believe it or not. So by me being that person to them helped me because I felt like I did something good for someone, you know, Like. Yeah. Like I felt so bad inside with my own things, but seeing somebody feel better made me feel better. It just was what I needed to do. I had to. [00:32:06] Speaker C: You know, that's the exchange. [00:32:08] Speaker A: Yeah. People need to feel somebody's there for them. [00:32:11] Speaker C: Yes, girl. [00:32:13] Speaker B: Yeah, right? [00:32:14] Speaker A: I mean, tell me about this. Go in the grocery store now. This is a trigger for some people, and I know it used to be for me. Because you're anxious and you're waiting online. I get. I set off a whole different scenario when I'm in there, because I see everybody going, oh, my God, they're taking so long, and they're getting all crazy. Okay, let's stop it. I start talking to them. Oh, I would say anything that I could stop them from focusing on that. I would say, I love your earrings, or, where did you get your nails done? Oh, really? And then they start talking back, and the whole line is talking now, and everybody conversing, and everybody forgot all about it. [00:32:46] Speaker B: Well, distraction, distraction, distraction. When I'm a retired social worker, when I practiced, I would say to my clients, when you keep your mind and your hands busy, you don't have time to think about your worries and your problems because you're filling your minds with distraction. Therefore, you know, when you're not keeping your. Your hands and your mind busy, you're ruminating, you're. You're all over the place, and you keep dwelling on those problems. So that is a great, you know, tactic to use is to be creative. Dance, move. All of these things are distractions. Yes, but not. Not in the. Not in a negative way. Just leave things under the rug. It's just. It's not healthy for you to always constantly focus on the negative. It's using these tools to heal yourself. [00:33:36] Speaker A: Yes, Correct. So, yes. [00:33:39] Speaker C: With that said. With that said, I just wanted to add something. Words. Words are very important. Yeah. Every time you even. This conversation is like. It's a powerful conversation because we're staying very positive. We're talking about healing. We're talking about, you know, moving forward better. The words matter. [00:33:57] Speaker A: Yes. [00:33:58] Speaker C: So it's important that. Because the body remembers that we're talking about triggers, right? [00:34:02] Speaker A: Yes. [00:34:03] Speaker C: That's something that would trigger me is. [00:34:05] Speaker A: Yes. [00:34:05] Speaker C: Someone's saying a certain word, I'm like. [00:34:09] Speaker A: Right. [00:34:10] Speaker C: So it's. And I have to learn to say, don't let that bother you. It no longer exists. [00:34:15] Speaker A: Right. [00:34:16] Speaker C: Yes. You need to move onward. [00:34:17] Speaker A: Yes. [00:34:17] Speaker C: But also words, you know, so people have to learn to dismiss certain things that are going to affect them because they are not. It's an illusion. It's not there. Right there to trigger. [00:34:27] Speaker A: Yes. [00:34:28] Speaker C: Just wanted to. [00:34:29] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. [00:34:32] Speaker C: Motivated me, you girls motivated me to kind of share that. That, you know, the words are important. [00:34:36] Speaker A: Words are important. [00:34:36] Speaker B: Words are important. [00:34:38] Speaker A: People want to hear nice things. They want to hear good things. They don't want to hear negative. [00:34:42] Speaker C: You know, you wrote a book, Laura, and that's what I mean too. The words in that book are people gonna read and. [00:34:48] Speaker A: Yes. [00:34:48] Speaker C: Feel. And they're. [00:34:49] Speaker A: Yes. [00:34:50] Speaker C: And when they start feeling things, they're going to start growing. [00:34:54] Speaker A: Yes. You have to feel. You have to feel it to get rid of it. You know, whatever is bothering you, you know, it stays there. You know, you gotta release. [00:35:06] Speaker C: Doesn't serve you anymore. [00:35:07] Speaker A: Right. Yes. Oh, I'm excited about that. I just hope it does help. Like I say, one person. [00:35:16] Speaker B: I'm sure. I'm sure it will. You know, it's. It's the written word form that I hope people go out and buy this book and if they haven't done anything to start their healing process, at least by reading your book, that they can start and make a commitment to themselves to heal. Because Iris and I, we talk about, you know, working on yourself healing and also working on taking care of your body through diet, healthy diet and movement. It's an investment on yourself. And a lot of the times people don't want to invest on themselves. They spend their money in many different ways, but when it comes to really focusing and working on their own body, they. They don't. [00:35:59] Speaker A: That was true. [00:35:59] Speaker C: Hard. It's hard. It is hard to sit down and figure yourself out. [00:36:03] Speaker A: It is hard. It's hard facing yourself sometimes. You Know, especially if you're in so much pain and a lot of people are, and they don't know how to talk. I couldn't do it before. Like, I would keep everything in. I wouldn't talk to stuff in my book. No one even knew about some certain things that I had talked about, you know, and, you know, you have to say things. You have to release that it's not going to go away. [00:36:26] Speaker B: I just recently did work on that, actually. Last Friday, I was working with a friend of mine, and she performed Reiki on me. And she said, you know, I concentrated on your throat because I felt that your throat is blocked. Your shrug your needs to be opened because you have a lot to say and you need to communicate what you have to say. So I couldn't wait to talk to Iris about that, you know, and we unpacked it, and she was all right. So by writing your book, don't say you don't remember. That's what you have done. You have communicated all those negative feelings that you have internalized, and you have released them out into the open, out into the world, you know, and God gave you the energy, the thoughts, the. To put it down on paper, thank God. [00:37:21] Speaker C: But also you, Laura, because you put yourself in that position where you trusted yourself enough to write this book. [00:37:26] Speaker A: Book, yes. [00:37:27] Speaker C: So. But through God's love, knowing. Because it's all about love. [00:37:30] Speaker A: Yes, it is all about love. [00:37:32] Speaker C: And you. And you appreciate and you're grateful for everything you have. You connect with the Holy Spirit and girl, you're gonna get everything manifest, all your dreams. So kudos for you. [00:37:41] Speaker A: Thank you so much. [00:37:42] Speaker C: You manifested, you, your, your. Your. Your book. You know, it's gonna help. It's going to resonate with a lot of people. [00:37:48] Speaker A: I do hope so. I. I really do. I. I'm so. You know, I. I need this to happen. I. I just do. Because I know where I was and where I am now, and everybody could be there. [00:37:59] Speaker C: You know, that's, that's, that's. That's. That's exactly what I, I love when you said that because you said that I. I need this to happen. But you didn't say it for financial reason. You said it because you want to communicate to everyone how it. Good it feels when you let go. [00:38:12] Speaker A: Of certain things and you don't know until you're there. Right? [00:38:16] Speaker C: Boom. And that's what it's all about, right? That's what it's all about is believing that whatever it is that you're putting out there, no matter what it's manifesting. It's what it's supposed to be. [00:38:27] Speaker A: Right. [00:38:27] Speaker C: And you have to trust yourself enough to say, let it be. Because God is. It's in God's hands now. [00:38:33] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:38:33] Speaker C: You know. [00:38:35] Speaker B: So, Laura, in conclusion, do you have any final thoughts to share? [00:38:40] Speaker A: I just say this, like, to be healthy, it's mind, you know, it's body. Yeah. You, you have to just, just like explore yourself and, and yes, again with the eating healthy, you know, that's another thing. Exercising, you know, we need to do all of this, you know, all of this. It's in combination and it all goes together, you know. And yeah, the healing, the mind is, it's hard, but I think people can do it. And, and I think that by them finding out about themselves, however they have to do it. You know, I feel like I want to become a trauma coach because I feel like I, I can go through the steps. Yeah. You know, and I think that I want to do that. I want to do that for people, you know, I want to be that person. [00:39:21] Speaker C: Don't think it, honey, you are there. [00:39:23] Speaker A: Yeah, I need to do it. I even said, I, I do a non profit. I, I literally know people need help. [00:39:30] Speaker C: Okay. Because you feel it. You're an empath. If I can just bring a little spiritual talk inside. [00:39:34] Speaker A: Yes. [00:39:35] Speaker C: In our forum here, you feel it spiritually because you are living with spirit. [00:39:39] Speaker A: Right. [00:39:39] Speaker C: You're not in your head, you're living with what you feel in your heart. [00:39:43] Speaker A: Right. [00:39:43] Speaker C: And you know that if you set the good intentions and you are a good person, everything good is going to come to you. So you're not worrying about things. [00:39:50] Speaker A: No. [00:39:50] Speaker C: Just going with the flow. [00:39:52] Speaker A: Right. No more worrying anymore. And that's what it took because that was all me. You know what I mean? [00:39:57] Speaker C: The worry right here. [00:40:00] Speaker A: Right. You have to let it go. You're not living. You're not living. [00:40:05] Speaker C: Exactly. If you made it, you're not living because it's. Oh, no, I'm not going to do that. Oh no, maybe next time. Oh, no, I'm gonna. Don't, don't practice, don't, don't procrastinate. [00:40:13] Speaker A: Right? [00:40:13] Speaker C: Because that, that's what fear does. The more you procrastinate, the more fear comes into your space, into your feels, and you don't want that. [00:40:20] Speaker A: Right. And I just want people to see that they can do the work, you know? [00:40:25] Speaker C: Trust me, they will. [00:40:26] Speaker A: You know, and I thank you ladies, because this is amazing. I mean, to come out here and talk about things, that's what we Need. We need to talk about it. [00:40:34] Speaker B: Yes. [00:40:34] Speaker C: We need to have conversations about stronger conversations on how to be better. [00:40:38] Speaker A: Yes, yes. [00:40:39] Speaker C: Together, each other. Right. [00:40:42] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:40:46] Speaker B: One of the things that, that we use in. In my coaching practice with menopause is strong women uplift other women. [00:40:57] Speaker A: Yes. [00:40:58] Speaker B: And, you know, I want to close with that. When you are a strong woman, the knowledge that you have, you don't keep it to yourself. You share it. You uplift other women. [00:41:09] Speaker A: Yes. I love that. [00:41:11] Speaker C: Because if you're so. You're confident and you trust in yourself, there's a reason to not share it. [00:41:16] Speaker A: Right. You have to. We all need each other. [00:41:18] Speaker B: Yes. [00:41:19] Speaker A: We all need each other. [00:41:20] Speaker C: Yeah. And I just want to say, Yvette, you inspire me every day. Because, Yvette on the radio. And I say this all the time because it matters to me, because I'm very grateful for this opportunity because for. For a long time, I wanted to have these conversations. I wanted to build on this platform, and it was challenged because I didn't have the right people in my space. So when she and I started talking about it, I'm like, yeah. And it's just becoming better and better. [00:41:44] Speaker A: See, it's wonderful. [00:41:45] Speaker C: Coming. Becoming better and better. Because this, this, this was a strong conversation. It was good. It was something that I know that people are going to say, oh, my God. I can relate to that. [00:41:53] Speaker A: Yes. I think everyone can. [00:41:55] Speaker C: Well, talk about your book. [00:41:56] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:41:57] Speaker C: Thank you. [00:41:58] Speaker B: On that note, I want to thank our guest, Laura, the author of don't say that you don't remember. Show us the book again so people can remember the COVID of the book. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful cover. Don't say you don't remember. [00:42:11] Speaker A: Right. And I do have a sequel, and it is all. Is in the process of. I'm editing it now. I know I have a lot of work to do with this, trying to promote and all that, but the sequel's been done for a while. [00:42:22] Speaker B: Well, if we can help you promote your book in any way, please let us know. We're happy to, you know, talk about it, to promote it when we go to different events. [00:42:32] Speaker C: Yes. [00:42:32] Speaker A: Thank you, ladies. [00:42:34] Speaker C: I wanted to say. I also wanted to say if there's any way. And this is just, you know, me intuitively saying. [00:42:38] Speaker A: Right. [00:42:39] Speaker C: If there's any way that maybe once a month you can come on and we can talk about maybe a chapter in your book. Yes. Or phrase. Or something that's relative to whatever is happening on that month. [00:42:49] Speaker A: I love that. [00:42:51] Speaker B: I love that idea. [00:42:52] Speaker A: Right. Because people will follow that. They'll be okay. What's next? [00:42:56] Speaker C: What's Laura's up to? [00:42:58] Speaker A: I. I really appreciate this so much. You have no idea. [00:43:01] Speaker C: It's a good opportunity. I hope you don't mind, but. [00:43:04] Speaker B: No, not at all. Not at all. I think it's a great idea, but we need to thank our sponsor. We need to close out our show. Thank you, ladies. [00:43:12] Speaker A: Thank you so much. [00:43:13] Speaker C: I know. Listen, I just wanted to leave it, like. Thank you so much for, you know, for. For the audience or whoever's watching, because it's you guys. If you watch us. We. We want to bring more to you. [00:43:24] Speaker A: Yes. [00:43:25] Speaker C: And, you know, and we'll do our due diligence about questions and stuff like that. We're. We're working on that. We're. It's a baby podcast, but we want to make sure that we bring good stuff so you can all work together better. [00:43:36] Speaker A: Wonderful. [00:43:37] Speaker C: Love it. Thank you. Thank you. We want to thank Andrew o', Grady again, Mental Health America of Dutchess County. His support. [00:43:44] Speaker A: Yes. [00:43:45] Speaker C: In his vision and. And his ideals and. And his support with everything that, you know, with programs and workshops for people who are being challenged right now in our world. And I thank that. Thank. I'm very grateful to be here. [00:43:58] Speaker A: Very grateful. [00:43:59] Speaker C: Thank you so much. Because, you know, I love you so much, girl. Keep it going. [00:44:04] Speaker A: I will. [00:44:05] Speaker C: Talking. We'll figure it out. [00:44:07] Speaker A: Okay. [00:44:07] Speaker C: And with that said, it's by the women of Washington Heights living in Dutchess County. [00:44:12] Speaker A: Wonderful. Thank you so much for having me. You're welcome. [00:44:14] Speaker B: Bye. [00:44:15] Speaker A: Thank you. Bye. Bye. Now. This podcast is brought to you by MHA of Dutchess county and produced by CMJW Entertainment.