Understanding Grief & Menopause

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hello, everyone. Welcome to our podcast. Welcome I introducing here is my co host, Yvette o'. Sullivan. [00:00:07] Speaker B: Hello. Good morning. [00:00:08] Speaker A: How are you today? And we're featuring today Ms. Michelle Tomasecchio. How are you today? [00:00:16] Speaker C: I'm good. I'm so happy to be here. I'm happy and grateful to be here. So thank you. I can't wait for this conversation. [00:00:23] Speaker A: Yes, thank you. And we're happy that you're here because our mission is to make sure that people get what they need from these convers that we're putting together. [00:00:34] Speaker B: You're listening to the vital women of Washington Heights. [00:00:43] Speaker A: Today we're going to be talking about grief and menopause. And I think that's a conversation that we, we are all trying to figure it out when once we are no longer, you know, our natural self, we think and we're in our menopausal state. How do we feel about that as women? The way we look, we feel is. That's grief. But anyway, I'll leave that conversation up to you guys. Also want to bring in that we are being sponsored by Mental Health America of Dutchess County. Our sponsor is Andrew o'. Grady. Thank you so much for sponsoring our sixth podcast. Health America of Dutchess county is all about helping the community and providing the services comprehensive mental health care and also facilitating workshops for people that have addictions, which is very important. We are actually, we are actually featuring the MHA Dutchess Veterans Program, which is very, very important, very dear to the organization. They are actually located at 1335 Route 44, and that's in Pleasant Valley, New York. They're open Monday through Fridays from 9 to 5. It's good to support our veterans. We're here because of them. So I'm happy that we're, you know, we're being sponsored by such a beautiful organization like Mental Health America of Dutchess County. Thank you. Thank you. [00:02:06] Speaker B: Thank you. We're very proud of our veterans. They provided freedom for us and they, yes, they have worked very hard, you know, to make it possible for us to. To be able to enjoy the freedom that we have in America. [00:02:23] Speaker A: Absolutely. So I'm very proud that we're being sponsored by such a great organization. Thank you. [00:02:29] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:02:30] Speaker C: Nice. [00:02:31] Speaker B: Well, on a happier note, today happens to be St. Patrick's Day. My children are half Irish, therefore I like to always bring in what I call El Bochinche. So today's Potinche is that back in 2009, Eddie Martinez was the secretary of Dominican Republic and he went to Ireland to find out how they did agriculture, how they did their industry and their economics. And in that visit, he found out that both islands have a lot of similarities in. In the way that the islands look. They're very green, both places. Dominican Republic and Ireland are very green countries, and the difference is the climate. But the people are very friendly in Ireland, just like the people are very friendly in Dominican Republic. And both places love to celebrate life. So I just wanted to bring that into our podcast and talk a little bit about the history and the connection between Dominican Republic in Ireland. [00:03:44] Speaker A: I like that. Love that. [00:03:46] Speaker C: Beautiful. Yeah. [00:03:49] Speaker A: So, Michelle, tell us a little bit about what you do and. And. And just why you do it. [00:03:57] Speaker C: Wow. This could be a long story. [00:04:02] Speaker A: You know. [00:04:03] Speaker C: So what I'm doing right now is I'm a grief recovery method specialists trained through the Grief Recovery Institute, and they have been helping people move beyond loss. So it's death, divorce, financial change, pet loss, any kind of loss that keeps people stuck. And I'm also a certified empowerment coach through the Brave Thinking Institute, which is the premier training center for transformational life coaching. My background is I'm a massage therapist, craniosacral therapist, energy healer. I've trained in health kinesiology. I've studied Peruvian healing. And as I've worked on people and bodies, you know, you get connected to, wow, what's going on in the body. This could be something that's emotional, because that's what comes up in craniosacral. There's a format called Somato, emotional release work, which is, you know, people lie on the table. Craniosacral works the brain and spinal cord and the fluids inside and the connective tissue, because that controls everything. So if there's something going on, structurally or emotional, it can. It can transform into the body and, you know, keep you stuck. So knowing this, I had a 2014. I had. I unexpectedly lost my husband. He died, and I watched him died. And it was very traumatic for me. And I knew in that moment, knowing what I know, working on people, that it was weird. It was like there was a part of me having trauma, but then there was another part of me that's saying, okay, now, girl, you. You have to walk. Your talk that you work with clients. I went to grief therapy. I went to grief support groups. I got all kinds of Reiki. You know, all my. My people showed up for me. I got massage, acupuncture, craniosacral, Reiki, everything. However, my heart still felt like it was in shards and shoved in my chest. And I'm like, You know, the grief therapy, it helped until it didn't. For a few months it was like, well, I'm getting the intellectual side of this, but I'm not getting this out, this energy, because I knew I had to get these emotions out. And yes, I was crying and sobbing, but people would say things that they thought would be emotionally helpful and they weren't because we're not taught how to grieve. We learn really unhelpful habits from our grandparents, from our parents. And we say things like, oh, don't worry, you know, don't feel bad, he's in a better place, or time heals all wounds. It's just we automatically say these things. But to someone who's grieving, there was a part of me when somebody would say that my heart, it would contract. And I'm like, this isn't right. And in the grief support groups to, there were people in there, a lot of women, 10 years out, 12 years out, 15 years out, still crying and sobbing as if the loss had just happened. And I'm like, this isn't right. So I did a lot of searching and I found the grief recovery method. And it's an action based program. It's an eight week program and every week you do specific exercises to, to help heal the emotional thing and parts of you. But the main thing, really what it is, is your heart gets to speak and somebody isn't trying. It's not coming from here. It's not an understanding, it's something magical that happens. And I think it's not just. It really is a mind, body, spirit experience that you have going through this program. So when I went through the program, I got so much energetic relief. I felt lighter. I felt like I had a deeper connection with my husband. It was really interesting because a part of me was afraid, like, if I do this, if I get over my loss, I'm going to lose him. But it isn't. It's like I had a deeper, energetic connection with him, having more dreams with him. And I just, you know, have seeing signs that he's still around and I still feel him. And I feel, I feel like he's here now somewhere. So. [00:09:00] Speaker A: He'S like, oh, Michelle, do your thing. Yeah, yeah, tell the truth. [00:09:06] Speaker C: So for the longest time I thought, well, I'm gonna do this because people need to know how to grieve. This is a program that helps you. And I didn't do it. But I kept hearing things from other widows, like even from grief counselors saying things like, well, it's Time you got over this, like. And I'm like, who says that? Who says that to somebody's healing? Like, that's so unhelpful. So I said, I'm doing it. I'm getting certified in this. It's a great program. I can help people either one on one or. Or in a group. And it does take some rigorous to do the work and lean in and be able to be vulnerable. But when you get to the other side, it's just. It's amazing. [00:09:47] Speaker A: So I can only imagine. So with that said, your story is pretty much the same event why you are now, you know, menopausal coach, a certified menopausal. Certified menopause. Sorry about that. Yeah. [00:10:04] Speaker B: Yes, yes, absolutely. As I listened to Michelle speak, I was like, oh, that's sounds very similar to my journey, because I decided to become certified in menopause because of my mother's struggles, the struggles that I had seen her throughout her own menopause journey and my own within the last four years. I did not find enough information or support when I started to go through menopause. And I was like, there has to be something out there that can help me and also other women. And that's when I came across Girls Gone Strong. And that certification took almost. Almost half a year for me to complete. And ever since then, I decided, okay, let me work on informing women, giving them the power to take back their. Their bodies, their lives. Because like Michelle mentioned, there's also some grief that women go through when we experience menopause. And I know we are going to start to unpack that, but I just want to backtrack a little bit. I recently had the loss of my cat that I had for 20 years. [00:11:31] Speaker C: I'm so sorry. [00:11:32] Speaker B: Thank you. Thank you. And one of the things that people said to me, which I just stood there frozen, and I just wanted to scream back at them, it's like, why are you saying this to me? I have a border collie. I have a dog, my first dog, and I've had him for four years. And as much as I love my dog, we're still forming a relationship and connecting. But several people said to me, oh, that's okay. You have Mac. And I didn't know how to reply to that. I just, like, stood there frozen, right? [00:12:08] Speaker A: And. [00:12:11] Speaker B: You know, for the last several months, I've been processing the loss of my beautiful cat that he brought so much joy to me and my children. And listening to you speak, I was like, wow, you know, I'm still grieving him. I'M not getting over him. And the fact that I have my beautiful dog, it does not mean that he's replacing the love that I had and the relationship that I had for my cat. So people say things, thinking that they're helping you, but they're not. It hurts. [00:12:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:48] Speaker C: And that. And that's one of the things that. Yeah, and that's one of the things that I teach also, how to help people who are grieving because it's just human nature. It's like, well, I want them to feel better, and they're not thinking about when we're grieving. We just need space, and we need to be heard. So a lot of times, it's just saying with a friend that you can find. Can you just listen to me? I want to talk about my cat. I want to talk about how much joy he gave me, and I want to talk about how sad I am that he's not here. Or she. I'm sorry, was it she or he? He. Yeah. Yeah. But people don't know how to hold space, and that's something. Iris, you teach, too, as well. How do people hold space? [00:13:36] Speaker A: Well, that's the problem. Awareness. People are not aware. It's like, you know, people. First of all, people need to listen and be more compassionate to others. And when they listen and they're more compassionate, then they figure it out. Maybe they just need space. But when they're in the. You know, when they're in their heads and then just going in with the flow and, oh, that's okay. You'll get another one or whatever. [00:13:56] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:13:57] Speaker A: With me, when my. When my Queenie passed, you know, it was very sad because Billy and I were very close to Queenie, and I just knew it that day when she was coming towards me when I was giving her. I was gonna. You know, I was greeting her in the morning, and she was coming, and she was handicapped. I just knew. And even. Even today, I look at pictures and I'm still like, it triggers. So you can't just dismiss a grief, you know, you can't just say, oh, it's okay. Something new is coming. No, no, no, wait. We got to process this process. Let it go, feel it, and then move forward, and then you can move onward, you know? But you got to heal from the process. You know, it's like, let's go back to menopause a little bit. When I left, when my period left, I thought I was doomed. I said, yeah, I'm done. My beauty's gone, because that's what you're Programmed to set, to feel. My mother said, mira, get ready. Your skin is going to change, your face is going to change, your hair is going to fall out. So that was pros. That was a process. So I was grieving, getting being menopausal before I even got to be menopausal, because my mother. Going back to the ancestral ways and going back to our parents, you made a lot of mistakes. And now we're trying to figure it out. Not to make the same mistakes, but get the good things that they showed us, but not the other stuff. That's where I'm in right now. And this is why it's important we have these conversations, because I feel that our audience are going to be women just like us who are still trying to figure it out and processing their journeys. We're going through different journeys. Whether we're menopause, we're always menopausal. Yvette can explain. Explain why Diva can explain that part, because that's her expertise. [00:15:40] Speaker B: Well, thank you for opening the conversation about menopause, but today, with our guest Michelle, we're going to unpack grief and menopause and society. That's the connotation with society that once you reach that stage of being in menopause, the life ends. And a lot of women buy into that, and they can. [00:16:04] Speaker C: I swear on this podcast. I'm sorry, can I swear on this podcast? Because I want to call bullshit on that. But anyway, yes. Right. Right, Yvette. [00:16:18] Speaker B: Yes, absolutely. And for me, I don't feel that life has ended for me. I feel my journey is just starting. I feel more alive today than I did actually, when I was, like, menstruating. I feel totally in power, and I feel there's a rebirth happening. And part of the message in this podcast and talking to you, Michelle, is for us to lay that ground. How do we do that? Yes, we can. Grief. Perhaps the person that we were when we were still consider what they. What society calls, you know, fertile. But life still continues. We do not need to lay down and think that we're dying inside, because we're not. So how do you deal with the loss of a particular stage in your life? [00:17:18] Speaker C: So the first step, I truly believe, is being aware of that I'm feeling a certain way because my body's changing. You know, you got to unplug from the messages that media give us. That, again, comes from a patriarchal society that you have to look a certain way as you age. And it's like, okay, I'm. I'm feeling this way, and there's a loss. And like both of you have said, you got to reframe from the programming, right? The programming is that, well, this is going to happen to you. Your hair is going to fall out, your skin's going to change. And it's like part of it is, am I going to believe that, you know, there's a whole science, the Biology of belief by Dr. Bruce Lipton that talks about we can switch our DNA just from our mindset. So if you believe that, well, because my mom said this is what's going to happen to me as I go through menopause, then you're on that same cycle versus, no, I'm going to choose something different. Like Yvette said, you know, I feel more vibrant and alive. And the thing is, I think the other thing is really understanding, and maybe you could speak to this a bit, is understanding your body and how it works and understand what is going on biologically in my body. Oh, my estrogen is dropping. Here's the other thing is, with. I know we're talking about grief is just like, in a way, you have to do a ritual. Like, I'm blessing my body as I'm shifting and it's okay and I'm. And I am going to be sad about it. I'm sad about the changes, but it's not, you know, menopause isn't a death sentence. It's it, you know, I. It's the next act and whatever you want to create it in. But I think having the ritual of saying, you know, thank you for my period and bless it, as well as grieving, that it's no longer there, but also recognizing you're still a fully formed woman, you still divine femininity, but now you really have an opportunity to step into your wisdom. But I think if you don't grieve it and try to shove it down like these changes aren't happening, or you resist it, or you don't look at ways to receive it versus an event. You'll probably talk about this, like, from changing your food intake, changing what you're eating, changing what you're watching on tv. I think it heightens to your openness to energetic shifts also, because I think it. I think, I think this is my belief. As you go through menopause, you have the opportunity. Like, I feel like the veil is thinner and that when you're connecting with whatever you want to, you know, God, Creator, oneness, the all, whatever, you know, whatever resonates with you, I think it's. [00:20:36] Speaker A: An opportunity Yeah, I think you're more sensitive when you don't have a period. If I'm just me, add as a. On a spiritual level, you, for me, let me just. It was like. It was good, bad and ugly to a certain point because it was. It was very painful. You know, when I used to get. I used to get a lot of headaches and I used to get a lot of discomfort, but that was also the fire in me that made me that. That, that's. That gave me that sexiness, that gave me that thing. So you think. So you think. But that's not, you know, it's like if you're in that mindset, that's what you're going to get, right, which is that, you know, believing that. But if you're in a different mindset, say, no, this is going to be the best time of my life. I need to figure out what I'm going to do and just go within, take those deep breaths in and figure it out. Because the body's always going to talk to you. This is where I say body always remembers, and body is always going to talk to you. The way my mother handle her menopause and my grandmother, I don't have to. I can change it up. I can change up that DNA. That doesn't have to be my story. So this is why it's important. We have three different views and three different experiences and that we're sharing this because I think women are really going to. This is going to help. It's going to help. [00:21:56] Speaker B: Well, and that's why I call, you know, my series when I write for La Bos for the magazine. This isn't your mother's menopause. There's so much information out there. And like Michelle said, going through menopause isn't a death sentence. And I think the Latino woman, la mujer Latina necessita, she needs to understand that you do not need to go through the same things that your mother went through, that your grandmother went through, to rely on the support. Support like Michelle, support like Iris and myself. We are there to help you walk through that journey. And yes, it is tough when our bodies are going through change and you see, you know, changes in your breasts, when you see changes in your stomach area, in your abdomen, and perhaps, you know, you're losing muscle and you're going through brain fog. Brain fog. And all of this is due to the lack of estrogen that your body is losing every day. But you don't need to be stuck there. And yes, you need to Process the grief, the sadness, the loss. But how do you empower yourself at the same time to get through, get past that journey? [00:23:24] Speaker C: Well, you empower yourself. I think the biggest thing and when I work with clients is I really practice that. You have to have a spiritual morning practice. You have to get grounded. Because the thing is, we're always trying to figure everything out here in our brain, but there's so much assistance beyond. So if you. Even if it's five minutes, you ground yourself. There's so much science and research around meditation and how it shifts the brain. Who is it? Dawson Church. He's amazing in that his. With meditation. They're doing a lot of studies with it, how it shrinks the amygdala, which is our. Keeps us in fight or flight and all that. So you need tools to help bring your body, your mind and spirit into alignment. So that's the one thing. It's amazing how that can shift you. You know, you got to start doing things that. That shift that and it will resonate. [00:24:26] Speaker A: You got to reset your mindset. You know, Dr. Joe Dispenza, he saw. He's got, you know, he's on Gaia. He talks about it all the time. You know, he. You got to reset your mindset. And when you do that, miracles do happen because you are a system. And when you connect with your body and your mind and your spirit, you can create and do and reset everything and anything in your life. But if you're in your mind that you can't. You can't. You can't. You stick in the mud and you can't move. It's manifestation. You talk about manifestation all the time, Michelle. You know, if you. If you believe it and you see it, you can create it. No. [00:25:01] Speaker C: Yeah, that's. [00:25:03] Speaker A: That's what's up. So when you. When. When a woman is in menopause, you know, she's lose. She's grieving her period. Because we. We are. We, we are. Our mindset is to. To grieve. But why don't we take the opportunity and get more creative? Because since I didn't have my fear, I got more creative. I found the artist in me. I started working with amazing resin work I didn't even know I had. I started painting. I started working more with energy. I discovered more reiki. I discovered meditation, yoga. I released my tension with yoga when. When I was going through my menopausal states. So it's. There's, you know, this. Like you said, mind, body and spirit. Find a good podcast like this One. Well, find good healers. Find someone that's going to help you through your, through your journey of, of change. [00:25:58] Speaker C: This is a change. [00:26:00] Speaker A: And you're a woman. So these, these are powerful changes going inside your body. So understanding and connecting with them is very important. Let's talk about self care and the lack of medical care for women. For years and years, men did. Doctors weren't figuring all of this out. I think now we're having better conversations. [00:26:21] Speaker B: You know, I have a story about that. My, my mom is 85 years old, and about four years ago, my sisters and I, we took over her, her medical care and, and helping her make decisions for her medical, her medical stages. And four years ago, I took her to see a urologist in Washington Heights, where Iris and I grew up. And it's a urologist that she saw for years. And it was the first time I went with her. And I was just shocked in the first place how he ran the office. It's like he packed patients in there like they were sardines and then he called them out by numbers. It was just bizarre because I had never experienced anything like this. And when we were in the office and my mother's explaining what her symptoms are, so she suffered a lot from utis, and she had been going to him for many years and getting a certain procedure actually that urologists do not practice any longer. Therefore, I was very grateful that I had the opportunity to be there with her because since then we found her a new urologist that is able to deal with her hair with more modern medicine and techniques. But he said something that really brought a lot of anger because he's explaining to her. My mother said, well, doctor, you know, I'm tired of coming here and getting this procedure done every six months. How long do I need to continue to do this? And his explanation, and I was so offended. He goes, well, you know, as the woman ages and her body changes and her vagina becomes dry. [00:28:25] Speaker A: Jesus Christ. [00:28:29] Speaker B: And his conversation in Spanish saying, now the vagina, the cervix, the woman's cervix is rotten. [00:28:45] Speaker C: What? Oh, my God. Oh my God. [00:28:49] Speaker B: And I just stood there and my anger just started to grow that I let him finish and I said, this is the last time my mother will ever see you again. I said, because you do not refer to woman's sexual counterpart as being rotten. So he, he said, what? And he laughed. He goes, well, you know, I'm Dominican and how we talk. And I was like, I could care less that you are Dominican. And first of all you do not speak like that to a Dominican woman. Yeah, I was like, that is totally disrespectful. [00:29:30] Speaker C: Wow. [00:29:31] Speaker B: And my mother just let this go over her head because this is part of the culture that she grew up in, thinking that it's okay, and it's not okay. And in. In other podcasts, we spoke about no excuse for abuse. It's almost like being medically abused by a male urologist. And, yes, and she continues to see a male urologist, but his techniques are more advanced, more modern. And thank God, you know, that I had that experience that I was able to support her with that. But I was just in such shock that a doctor spoke that way about a woman's biological changes. [00:30:18] Speaker C: Just so disrespectful. So disrespectful. [00:30:22] Speaker A: It goes back to the conversation of where women wellness was not a priority. We were not a priority going back ages and ages. And the medical. We weren't studied the way we should have studied, you know, our ovaries and our moods and swings and all this in our period and our cycles. No, we weren't studied at all. And we're different from men. They, you know, absolutely different. We have babies, we give birth. We. We have breast milk. You know, we. We are a system. And I feel like I worked with doctors since I was 14 years old, and I don't. I didn't see that care that we should have that women deserve as women mothers. No, I didn't. Nurturers. I didn't see that. This is me being, you know, spiritual and emotional about it, because I've seen women being treated a certain way for many, many years. And that's. I'm. We're here to educate. You know, let's say we're done and. [00:31:23] Speaker B: No. And that's why, for me, so important, you know, for women to come together, educate each other and support each other and listen to each other, because I'm sure my mother's experience is not the first time that this male urologist has described the woman's body and the changes that a woman goes through. And earlier, you know, we stated this is a rebirth just because we are not menstruating anymore and we are going through menopause. This is a rebirth for us to recreate. Recreate who we are, because now we have the time to become the artist, to become the musicians, to become whatever we didn't have an opportunity to explore when we were younger and raising children and focus in our career. This is the time for us to really enjoy this and Provide that self care also that we need. [00:32:26] Speaker A: Absolutely, absolutely. Because you know what? We matter. And we're. We, we. We can run the world. We're creative, we're smart, we're intuitive. We're intuitive. [00:32:41] Speaker B: Michelle, on that note, what else would you like to contribute to the grief and menopause? [00:32:50] Speaker C: So the thing is that, you know, to think about perimenopause and menopause, it's a time for transition, right? Your hormones are changing, your brain is literally rewiring. And, you know, there's. There's two parts to this. It's the loss of, you know, the biological functions that are going on, and then the how we give that meaning. What does that mean? Like, I'm a vibrant woman because, you know, I'm juicy, because I, you know, I'm still menstruating, I still have my cycle, you know, and my skin looks good and all of that. The thing is that, you know, you need to process the loss too, because some people like, I'm losing that and then, oh, well, I need to go get, you know, plastic surgery or something to keep up the vibrancy. And I'm not knocking it if that's what you need to do to make you feel good. But if you're not doing it from a full pronged effect of processing the loss with, let me get real about this, let me get real about my emotions about the loss instead of just trying to shove it down or even crying. When you have a system like the grief recovery method, I'm going to push that. It's. You can work on any loss. And even with, like, whenever I lead a group through this, I go through this too. And I'm amazed at the relationships that I work at. And you can work on a relationship with your body, right, and shift that because you need to say things about it. Like, part of the work is you do apologies, forgiveness, and what they call significant emotional statements. The thing is, even when you think things, it doesn't have the same effect as if you say it out loud to somebody else who's just listening. They're our heart with ears. You know, that's how I teach. My clients should just be a heart with ears. The heart needs to be witness. So when the heart is witness, the rest of the body gets on board with it, you know. So the other thing I'll add to it is when somebody is going through, when a woman's going through perimenopause or menopause, and the loss that they're experiencing is not only a shift in Their body, but they have a loss of husband, a child, financial change, job change. If they lose their job, that can affect them too, and that can have them escalate even further into perimenopause menopause symptoms. And if they don't process those emotions that are attached to it, it can make the perimenopause and menopause symptoms worse. I experienced this. [00:35:51] Speaker B: It can enhance it and heighten. [00:35:54] Speaker C: Yeah. So what I was experienced, I was 49 and just starting perimenopause when my husband died. I started to have panic attacks. I started that were so bad, I was calling 91 1. They were happening at night. I had brain fog, which I know was perimenopause, but also widow fog. Like, it was just. I was like, I don't know how I was functioning, you know, and as the months went on and when I got involved with this work, it was the one thing that really helped. That started the symptoms that I was experienced to lessen the physical symptoms because. And again, it's just. It's such an experiential process that I was amazed that, wow, this helped with my panic attacks are lessening, you know, and the other changes that I made, you know, dietary changes. [00:36:47] Speaker B: But so dietary changes are very important. You know, we. We spoke about dietary changes in our previous podcast, our fifth podcast, because this is our sixth. And that is a way for us to take care of our bodies and nurture our bodies, is incorporating certain foods into our diet that will give those nutrients and minerals that will provide that health that we need at this stage in our lives through perimenopause and menopause. And there's so many wonderful fruits and vegetables and ways of going about it that a lot of people also don't take the time to learn what their body needs in order to give it that nourishment, that love you spoke about, you know, loving your body and talking to yourself. And sometimes it's difficult to incorporate those changes all at once. But taking those baby steps one step at a time and making those improvements can go a long way. [00:38:01] Speaker C: Yeah, I agree with that, Yvette. And the thing that I tell my clients is, like, if you make 1% change, you know, to what it is that you want to work on. 1% change of shifting your mind, 1% change of shifting your, you know, whatever you're. If you're drinking too much coffee or whatever, because at least for me, that helped with decreasing hot flashes was getting that the coffee was too hot for me, you know, heating my system. But 1% change. And like you said, you can't. You can't do it overnight. And if you think you can, then that creates additional stress. [00:38:43] Speaker B: Yes. [00:38:44] Speaker C: You know, so taking baby steps is really important. [00:38:48] Speaker B: And, you know, part of it is not just learning and taking in the information, is putting it into action, practicing it. And I love the idea of taking that 1% of the information or whatever you're exposed to in creating that rebirth of yourself and putting it into practice, taking those actions. [00:39:09] Speaker C: Yeah, well. And like Iris spoke about, you know, her transformation was finding her creative side, which is important through the menopause, like a second chance. Like, who do I want? Who do I get to be? Who do I want to be? I want to be juicy, you know, for myself. I'm turning 60, and I'm not having a. I'm grieving. I'm grieving that, and I'm allowing that, and I'm feeling sad about it, and I'm gonna go through this. [00:39:36] Speaker A: Oh, don't be sad. Don't be sad, because I'll be 62 April 7th, so don't be sad because I'm older than y'. All. [00:39:41] Speaker C: I know. Well, well. And here's. Here's the thing is that no, I do need. No, no, no. But I. But I want to be sad. I want to feel the feelings. I want to acknowledge it. [00:39:53] Speaker A: I got you. You want to process it? [00:39:56] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm processing it. And it's like. And it's okay. And then it's like, all right, for 60 and beyond, who do I want to be? Who do I get to be? Who would I love to be? It's like, I'm going to be this juicy, vibrant, amazing, wisdom filled person just living my best life. I mean, I know this is. I know I don't. I don't feel 60. I don't act 60. What is 60 is the new 40? I don't know. Yeah, it's just a number. [00:40:32] Speaker B: It's just a number. [00:40:33] Speaker A: It's a number. So I just want to. I just. I wanted to share this because I think this. This is why I got into Reiki, was because I was premenopause. That's why we're we even having this conversation right now. I processed it, and I thought I was going crazy. And I was a single mom with two kids living in the Bronx, you know, working, hustling, and here I am feeling my emotions, feeling a little crazy. My body's changing. You know, things are happening, and I wasn't. I wasn't happy, and I was going into depression. And then that's when I found Reiki and what Reiki day was. Hey, help me process emotions. Like you said, you have to feel it. You have to be sad. You have process those emotions and then let them go and then you flow because you got to process them. You can't let them be in your head. Your head is like the worst enemy when, especially when you're pre menopause because you're going to be in your head about how you look, how you, how people are looking at you now. You're not getting so many looks, what's going on. [00:41:41] Speaker B: And you know, in conclusion, because pretty soon we need to close our program. But I agree with both of you. We can't sweep everything under the rug. We need to process our feelings. We need to, to really come to a true understanding before we're able to move on, before we're able to heal, before we're able to grow, is understanding who we are. And thank you so much, Michelle, for speaking about the many different ways that we can grief our changes and how we can move forward with those changes, accepting them and moving forward. Would you like to add something in closing? [00:42:34] Speaker C: So in closing is that, first of all, I want to thank you both for having me on this amazing podcast. The conversation is amazing. You know, grief, the thing that I help people with, especially on the grief end, is the unresolved grief. So if you're having symptoms of insomnia, you know, the thing is that we have losses throughout our life and we put them in a backpack. It's a rock. It's a rock. So if you had losses from your childhood that you think you process that you may not have, it has a cumulative effect. So doing going through the grief recovery method will help resolve that, you know, because we're always going to have losses in our life. And this is a toolkit. It's just something to add to the toolkit. So one of the things I do is with not just grief, but creating a life that you love using manifestation principles. And like I talked about, I'm doing this for myself. Like, who do I want to be? You know, 60 on, like vibrant, seeing it, being it, writing about it, visualizing it, and doing that. So right now you can reach me via email, the empowered soul23mail.com and I do offer one on one complimentary conversations with you to find out who you are, what's going on. If it's grief, where's the grief keeping you? Stuck? And I, and I asked that, what is it costing you? What you know, how is it costing your life? I do have a micro site on the Grief Recovery Institute's website and I don't know if it's live yet, but if you go to the grief recovery method.com backslash gr amazonmary s backslash michelletomasiki I'm there, I'm there. But you can reach me, reach me also on Facebook. So I don't have a website up yet, but it's coming. And I do have a new group. It's an eight week group starting March 23rd, Sunday nights at 6pm if anybody's interested. There's still space in that. It's wonderful. I create a safe space for people to be vulnerable. And the last group I led was amazing. One woman was dealing with divorce and another woman was still dealing, still feeling stuck with the death of her brother nine years prior and the guilt that she was carrying. So when we process that, like there's even mindset guilt. Guilt is not guilt. When you look at the definition of it implies harm, meaning to harm. Like no, you didn't mean to harm your body. So anyway, that's all. Yeah. So those are the things that, that I go through. And then I'm starting. If you're both interested in white you to a pet loss. I'm doing a pet loss. [00:45:44] Speaker B: I would very much would be interested in that. Yes. [00:45:46] Speaker C: Yeah. So because there's interested in that. Yeah, I, I want to do it too. And when I go through groups, I'm doing the work also because it's the, it's like you peel back an onion, these layers like this, this tool and it's like, oh my gosh, it gets. And you can use their method to help heal, relate difficult relationships you have with living people. Narcissists. [00:46:14] Speaker A: Hello. [00:46:16] Speaker B: You know, there's lots of those around. [00:46:19] Speaker C: Yeah. But the thing is. And you get resolve. You get to resolve like if somebody has died or you have a difficult relationship, the hopes, dreams and expectations that you have because sometimes that doesn't get voiced. You know, all of this, you're giving it a voice. So that's. I could go on and on about this. [00:46:40] Speaker A: Thank you for being amazing and thank you for choosing that to be part of because we definitely need to learn how to grieve. [00:46:48] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. Michelle, thank you so much for coming on today and sharing this wonderful time that we spent together. And I am so grateful for your information. [00:47:04] Speaker C: Same. Same here. [00:47:06] Speaker B: Thank you. And I hope that we continue to work together once I come back to New York. I hope that we will build our relationship and continue to work together. Iris, you please give a shout out. [00:47:19] Speaker A: To our sponsor, Horace Mental Health America of Dutchess County. Mr. Andrew O'. Grady. Thank you so much. This is our sixth podcast and thank you for sponsoring it. You know, they service the community, comprehensive care for those who need some. Some help regarding, you know, mental illnesses, and they also provide services for substance abuse, you know, for addiction, and they have addiction workshops that you can go. And they, you know, they're a big part of the veterans, so please support them because they support us, and we're very grateful for that. And we're here. We're here communicating and talking about our experiences to help our communities, and that's what they're all about. So thank you again, MHA of Dutchess County. I really appreciate it. Thank you. [00:48:07] Speaker C: Thank you, Andrew o'. [00:48:08] Speaker A: Grady. And our next episode, what are we going to be talking about next time, chica? [00:48:14] Speaker B: Well, our next episode, we're going to be talking about spring and rebirth and how do we do that? Also through embracing our menopausal changes. [00:48:25] Speaker A: Well, I'm excited about that. Thank you, Michelle. Thank you, Oriana, for editing and helping us always make sense of what we're talking and what we're doing and really appreciate you. [00:48:37] Speaker C: Yes. [00:48:38] Speaker A: Anyway, ladies, thank you so much. We are again, the vital women of Washington Heights living in Dutchess County. We're excited to bring you podcasts. Just relating, very relatable to what we're going through, which a lot of us are going through. And we're excited to. To keep this going. So please follow us, make some comments, and we'll get back to you as soon as we can. We're new, so be not kind to us. We will definitely get back to you. We're still building, you know. We're still building. [00:49:03] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:49:05] Speaker A: Ladies, namaste. [00:49:06] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:49:07] Speaker A: Have a beautiful, wonderful day. [00:49:09] Speaker C: It.