Riding the Wave of Life w/ Judith Rae

[00:00:00] Speaker A: This podcast is brought to you by MHA of Dutchess county and produced by CMJW Entertainment. This episode of the Vital Women Podcast is proudly sponsored by Salt Boutique Labs. You're listening to the Vital Women Podcast. [00:00:18] Speaker B: Welcome back to the Vital Women. I am your host, Yvette o'. Sullivan. In honor of Women's History Month, we're highlighting extraordinary leaders using their voices for positive impact. To today's guest is someone very special to me. We share a common history as alumni of Empire State College. She is a proud multicultural storyteller and native New Yorker. A Brazilian American with Jewish roots who turned early adversity into a superpower. Just 13 years old, she stepped into the roles of motherhood, raising her daughter Jess. While many might have seen that as a barrier to using as fuel graduating from college and building a world class career, since 2013, she has become an internationally acclaimed photographer, named by Harper Bazaar as one of the best in the world. She is the visionary behind Women who Serve and the Portrait Project, a speaker, a dear friend. Welcome to the incredible Judith Gray. [00:01:17] Speaker C: Thank you, Eva. And thank you so much for having me here. I honestly feel honored and I feel so seen and I'm really thankful. [00:01:26] Speaker B: I am so happy that you decided to come on Vital Women. It is an honor to have you on today's show. So we're going to get started here with some personal questions. I want to know a little bit more about your background and to share this with the audience. So how does your multicultural background, Brazilian, Jewish, Russian, which is very interesting, born in New York, has helped you become the person you are today? Woo. [00:01:51] Speaker C: What a beautiful question. Well, I believe that, you know, in hindsight, growing up in both New York and Brazil was incredible in the moment, it was really challenging. I bounced around a lot and sometimes I felt like I was never in my home. And now I see that I have many homes and I'm really incredibly thankful for the opportunity that my mom gave me to learn my Brazilian culture, to, you know, be schooled both in New York City and different places in Brazil, Hugh, Janeiro and Bahia Salvador. I went to school in all three locations and for that reason I speak and read and write in both Portuguese and English. And I'm. I'm really grateful for that. And I believe that that has helped me understand my culture and it's helped me really apply that to how I walk this world. Right. Walk in this world and how I continue to grow my business and what I believe is most important to me and how I view success and how I meet people and hold space for them when I'm photographing them and helping share their story. So, yeah, I'm so grateful for, you know, for that mixture that I am. And I didn't move in to live with my dad until after I had my daughter, and I was 15, and I had never slept over his home before. But, you know, having that time and space to understand who he was and what his culture, you know, being Jewish and Russian and he was born in the Bronx and, you know, his parents were Russian, just like what that meant for him and. And for me. Right. As a byproduct of him being his daughter. And I think understanding all of that has taken me so much time, but it's really enriched my life. Terrific. [00:04:00] Speaker B: Thank you so much for sharing that wonderful background. So how has that background shaped the identity of who Judith is today? [00:04:10] Speaker C: I believe that I'm very open to. You know, I had to grow up really young, Yvette, and as you know, and I believe that coming from a mixed race background and many times being the new girl made me really feel more grounded in who I am. I mean, it took me a lot of time. And so when I see people in their journey and continuing to, you know, move through adversity or challenges, I am the kind of person that really does my best to encourage them and. And not judge them and. And really, I feel that I hold space for us all to continue to shine bright and who we are and stand in our confidence and understand that, you know, may we not allow our challenges to hold us back or adversity. More excuses, for that matter. You know, and I have really had to push past a lot of wrong thinking and, you know, perhaps some projections of, like, what the world believed in me or believed of me as a young mom. And I just see that there is just so much possibility within each and every one of us. And if we can just see past perhaps the world's perception and we can really dig deep into who we are and how we show up in this world and how we can continue to bring possibility and hope and perspective based off of our own journeys, I feel like this world can only become a better place. [00:06:01] Speaker B: Thank you. When you and I, we've gotten together and we've talked about changing that narrative of what people perceive young teenage moms to be like and that stigma that is given to teenage moms that sometimes they're not going to be able to achieve or accomplish certain things in the world. Yeah. And we've had multiple conversations about this. When using your storytelling skills, what do you think resonates the most with women that perhaps have experience being young teen moms or even audience, if you share this to change that perspective. [00:06:39] Speaker C: What do I think resonates the most? Yes, young parents. And with, I think, you know, I think as a business owner and an artist, you know, it's really interesting because I feel like some of the skills I've learned as a young mom actually have helped propel me forward. So understanding the absolute importance of community. You know, I was so fortunate in the fact that, like, from Brazil, I was living in Brazil when I had my daughter. And then from Brazil, I moved back to New York City to live with my dad for the first time. And I'm so fortunate in the fact that, like, New York City has a lot of programs in place to help people. Right. Including the young parent. And so I had the Life Care center, which is a daycare center for young moms. And it was incredibly helpful. It helped me graduate from high school. And I'm. I'm so fortunate in that. And I see that, you know, living here in Florida as a. As a mentor to a young mom, I recognize that we do not have that here. And that is something that can be shifted and changed and there's room for improvement. [00:07:48] Speaker B: Right. [00:07:48] Speaker C: So I think that, like, what resonates with people. Okay. I just want to make sure I understood the question. What resonates with people about my work? [00:07:56] Speaker B: Correct. [00:07:57] Speaker C: Yes. Okay. Well, I've also done a lot of work in. In storytelling, so I've done. I've been. I'm so lucky to have worked with a larger organization that advocates. That helps young moms advocate for other young parents. And in that, we had a one year project, which was like, thanks to you too, Yvette, because you helped me remember how important that work. [00:08:20] Speaker B: You're welcome. [00:08:21] Speaker C: Yeah, I really appreciate that. I really felt like just talking to you about it actually brought me some extra, you know, kind of like wind beneath my wings, so to speak, so that I could go and pursue that despite having pursued it for such a long time. So, like, going back to what I said about some of the skills that I learned as a young mom, you know, I had to grow up fast and be persistent and be super clear about what I wanted. I needed to grow up fast and understand how wrong mindset could hold me back and the absolute importance of thinking positively about myself and what I'm able to accomplish despite, you know, being young. And so I feel that people can see that in my work. So I had the ability to work with Young parents. I also most recently have been working on a project called the Portrait Project in schools in New York City. And I'm so grateful for that because, you know, my experiences as having been a young mom and having gone through adversity, and I always hope that it would be something that would add to how I show up in this world. And I believe it has, because what I see is that, you know, youth that I'm photographing in these schools and doing workshops with, I feel that we understand each other. You know, we understand each other because we have both journeyed through adversity, even if it's different. And I feel that that's seen in my work because I do my best to allow people the space. Space to be seen and. And the space to be themselves and show up in the most beautiful and authentic ways without judgment and with empathy and just with a deep desire to help them share their stories and for them. For them to see that they matter and for them to, you know, show up as their absolute best selves. Like, that is always my mission. [00:10:12] Speaker B: So having your daughter, Jess, at such a young age, would you say, is that what fuel your ambition to continue? You graduated high school, now you're thinking about going to college and having a future for you and your daughter. So what would you say fueled that fire that gave you that energy and that drive? [00:10:32] Speaker C: Such a great question. Back in the day, when I had just completed high school, you know, just was always my number one priority. And that was really special because I think I was getting into a lot of trouble before I had my daughter. And I've just always been one of these, you know, young women that just didn't always follow the rules. And in many cases, it had a lot to do with childhood trauma and, you know, working through that on my own and understanding this world, and having Jess and being the head of my household, despite what anybody had to say, whether it was good or bad or wrong or right, you know, that. That really fueled the fire within. And I had many naysayers, but I also had the support of people in my community that for some reason, they saw past, like Judith, the teen mom, and really helped me believe in something bigger. You know, when. Even when I was pursuing my higher education, my bfa, I remember finding photography in college, and I'm so grateful that I stayed the course, because otherwise, I may not have found photography in that way. And I just remember how, you know, how much that meant to me and feeling like it was almost impossible, you know, for a young mom like myself at the time being a professional photographer felt like climbing the Himalayan mountains barefoot and backwards is how I like to describe it, because that's really how impossible it felt. I know, like now, looking at some of the accolades I've received and some of the features I. My work has been seen in, it's hard to imagine that. But I really promise you that it was hard to see, you know, what I could become because life just seems impossible. It just. And I believe my message, Yvette, is that life is possible despite the challenges that you've been through and the adversity you faced. [00:12:30] Speaker B: Is that what you would say to your 13 year old self? [00:12:34] Speaker C: Absolutely. Absolutely. When I was 13 and all the way, you know, well into even, I mean, for. For many years, I. I think that I really just wanted to see someone that had a similar story. And I was looking for encouragement and just like, let me know that it was possible. And in some cases, you know, that encouragement came from people like Dr. Maya Angelou and other women. But what I see now is that, you know, I in many ways had to become that woman myself. [00:13:10] Speaker B: We've talked about the work also that I do when I'm in Florida with teen moms. And these teen moms are also in foster care. And some of the young ladies that I have come across, you know, they just feel like they don't have any hope. And it takes a lot of energy from us working with them to motivate them. And I have talked to them about you and what you've done and the kind of work that you've brought to teen moms through your photography to get them to have an interest besides just understanding that they're more than being a mom? [00:13:43] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:13:43] Speaker B: So with that being said, you mentioned your portrait project. How are you using your portrait project to motivate young ladies here in New York City? So whether they are moms or just regular teenagers that need something to believe [00:13:58] Speaker C: in, the portrait project is an incredible project. And I'm so grateful for the opportunity to offer it as a workshop and also to photograph high school students in New York City. Right now I'm working just with one school on the Lower east side. But what I see is that we have this. It basically becomes a community project. And everybody or most people in the community are excited to be photographed, which I love because it is just such an experience. And what I've seen is that because once we do the photography portion of the project, what we do is then we print it out and have it hung up around the school so people Are seeing themselves as leaders, as future leaders, as, you know, someone important in the community. And something similar was done when I was younger and working at a school. I had just gone back to Empire State College, and I, you know, I was studying early childhood education and Latin American studies, and I had just found photography, I believe. And the school I was working with, which is a private school on In Greenwich Village, they had the space special project for parents and families, where a professional photographer was photographing everyone or all, you know, different families within the community to showcase how beautiful different families are and how different families, you know, look. And Jess and I were included in that project. And Yvette, I will tell you, I felt so seen as a leader in my household, you know, head of household. I felt seen as family. And that word was often really sensitive for us, for Jess and I, because we were a family of two. Right. I mean, I have my extended family, but it wasn't our household. Didn't look like many of the other households. And so to be seen in that project and to be exhibited within the school just was so special for me. And that's one of the reasons why I created the portrait project, because I felt like it was an opportunity to help other people feel seen and respected and have the opportunity to share their stories as well. Yeah. [00:16:12] Speaker B: How wonderful, you know, that you're able to give back to the community and to teen. To young teens and also teen moms, for them to be seen, because it's important for human beings to feel that we are being celebrated and being seen. So you're. What a powerful message. [00:16:28] Speaker C: Thank you. I agree. You know, and I just. I think it's just such an important thing for us, no matter what our socioeconomic backgrounds are. It's just really important that we all know that we have the power to make positive change in this world. And when we can show up and respect ourselves and, you know, share our story and really see the beauty of community and the impact that one person can have or a small group of people can have, then I feel like we can just continue to imagine and make. Take steps towards leading a better life, you know? [00:17:07] Speaker B: Thank you. Yes. And what you said is very important for one person or for a few people to make an impact. And it does make a difference. [00:17:15] Speaker C: Totally makes a difference. Yeah. Look at the small community that, you know, that was part of my community that made such a huge impact in our lives. Absolutely. [00:17:25] Speaker B: Absolutely. That contribute to the person you are today. [00:17:29] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:17:30] Speaker B: Yes. With great ideas. So tell me about your latest project. Women who serve I know you love the ocean and you're a surfer and we've talked about, when I'm in Florida, you know, how alive and creative I feel when I'm near the water. So tell me more about that project. [00:17:47] Speaker C: Yeah, and I, I love that you also share in that because for me, you know, surfing didn't come until my mid to late 30s when I met my husband on the way to the beach and my husband taught me how to surf. And surfing is just such an incredible way that I've experienced playing in nature. You know, it's actually going to be part of my message for my upcoming TEDx is the absolute importance of making time to play in nature. As adults, even I know that a lot of adults feel like play is, you know, immature or for children only, or only, you know, merited once you've done X amount of hours of productivity. But play to me is so important because it opens up our imagination and opening up our imagination gives us room to imagine something different and possibility and change. And so Women who Surf is really a place I started. It's a docu series and a place for women to share the importance of surfing in their lives. And I started in Jamaica, and then I brought it, which is where my husband is from, and then I brought it to Brazil, which is, you know, my home as well. And then I brought it to Barbados, which is where my husband was also raised. And you know, I, I look forward to continuing to grow this project and the message that, in that it brings with it. And it's just like such an incredible way for women from different cultures and different walks of life to really share the beauty of, of playing in nature through surfing and at all different ages too. And I just, it's really helped me find a place of play after having to grow up so fast, you know, in my life. And it's been really special for me because it's helped me find a path forward and really get clear on what does my best case scenario even look like. Right. And, and so I'm really grateful for the opportunity to share stories of, of women and surfing through this project. [00:19:59] Speaker B: I love how you compare how people need to play with children because that's how children learn and that's how they open their imagination through play. And when you are relaxed, you know, when, when we are relaxed and we're doing something that we enjoy, that also is a way for us to learn how to persevere, for us to learn how to be resilience. And I hear that's exactly what you're doing with your Women who Serve project to give people that opportunity. I know for me, I love the ocean, and I like to sit behind it. And at certain times I go in the water and I can let loose, but I can't imagine surfing and strength that it takes to be on that board. So I can see how all that perseverance and the resilience of staying up on the board can be also used as everyday skills as women that we can implement in our daily lives. So kudos to you for being so, so brave. [00:21:01] Speaker C: Thank you, Yvette. I really appreciate that. And. And you're absolutely right. You know, I think it's just taken me a lot of time and perseverance to stick with surfing as something new that I was learning. And. And it was not, you know, as a business woman, it was really important that it be something that I learned that wasn't necessarily going to make me money, but it was just going to be something fun that I can do with my husband. And I'm still, you know, learning to find my own waves. But there are so many messages within the ocean just being there and, you know, paddling out. For example, you're paddling out against the current, against the waves that are splashing over you, and sometimes it feels like the ocean just, like, spits you out right back onto shore. That sounds a lot like life. [00:21:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:50] Speaker C: You know, and my husband, he's so sweet, and he's, you know, calling out different life lessons, you know, as it relates to surf like babes, you need to paddle hard and for the, you know, you need to paddle like you want it. You know, like, paddle for the wave that you're going for and paddle like you want it so that. So that when you, you know, once you feel that wave just lift you up just a bit, you have to pop up and be ready, you know, so, like, we need to see the opportunities that we are looking for before they reach us. Right. And then ride that wave of opportunity like we want it and like we're meant for it, and then look confidently in the direction we're headed so that we can enjoy that ride. Right. And that's surfing. I mean, surfing has just been such an incredible tool in my life, and it's really helped me. Like you said, just imagine a path forward and be excited about, like, why I'm here and what I believe my message is and what are my values and how I show up in this world and what's important for me to make time for, you know. [00:22:57] Speaker B: Absolutely. And these are all life lessons that you are applying through your surfing, but they do apply to life. [00:23:04] Speaker C: Absolutely. Absolutely. And so many times, Yvette, as a businesswoman, as a creative, I found myself in spaces where, you know, I've pursued that wave, let's just say. Right. And. Or the opportunity, and then it doesn't pan out the way I wanted it. Like, that happens in surfing all the time, where you pursue the wave, you're paddling hard, you jump on it, and it just crashes. And then you're back onto shore and you're like, what's next? We got to paddle back out and find the next wave. Right. And so that time, that playful time in nature, what I have discovered is that it really helps me imagine and align myself with the right opportunities. You know, what are opportunities that I'm excited about? What are stories that I want to tell? Honestly, from the very beginning of my photography career, it wasn't like people all of a sudden started following me and saying, you know, here are some opportunities that I think you'd love. No, I had to create these opportunities for myself, whether they were free or paid, and then learn as much as I could to continue to grow my business. Right, right. Yeah. [00:24:15] Speaker B: Powerful words, powerful words. So with those opportunities, tell me about your latest opportunity. Being on stage and doing a TEDx, [00:24:23] Speaker C: that was another opportunity that I also went for because I somehow knew that I would like. I wanted to speak at TED. You know, this is a TEDx opportunity, which is really special as well. And it's organized by, you know, an event organizer who's interested in showcasing different speakers with ideas worth spreading. And so that's. That's what I'm about to do. And I'm really excited, and I. The way I've helped myself prepare for that is, you know, which was actually thanks to you as well. I had been looking for Toastmaster opportunities so that I can grow in my confidence in public speaking and sharing publicly and on stages. And thanks to you, we found you found an incredible TEDx that's local together. We went there, we found the location together, which is incredible. And then that was my first time at Toastmasters, and I ended up staying on and being part of a community that helps encourage. The work I'm doing and the stories I have to share has been incredibly valuable. Do I get paid for it? No. No. Do I enjoy it? Absolutely. You know, and I think that's really important in our society. I believe that's actually one of the things that I take with me as a business owner, as a human being. As a woman, you know that not everything has to be as a multicultural artist and, and, and woman, not everything has to be a paid opportunity. A lot of things can also be just for the enjoyment of it. Right. Including speaking and public speaking and speaking at TEDx and sharing a message. I mean, that message that I have to share, I truly believe it will help our world thrive. You know, it's one tiny little message, [00:26:12] Speaker B: but I believe it's a powerful, incredible message. You send me the. I think it was the other day that you were doing your practice and I absolutely love the message. And it's going to air on an incredible day, March 8 for International Women's Day. So I, I love the fact that you are taking your, your knowledge and your life experience and you're putting all of this out there, which is not easy to do. So once again, kudos to you for being so brave and taking in all those lessons that you've learned from the ocean. [00:26:50] Speaker C: Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Eyvette. It's really been an incredible ride so far and I'm really grateful. Yeah. For the people that are around me for, you know, the community that I've built and for the friends I've made along the way. [00:27:05] Speaker B: Absolutely. So tell me about Cultivate. I know I am part of that group and I've sat in, in two sessions and I love how I've been connecting to the stories and the ladies that participate. What made you think about coming up with such a group? [00:27:21] Speaker C: Cultivate is an incredible mastermind that I co created with my friends, my dear friend, Amicole Amani. And it's just such an incredible space for women to women entrepreneurs and creatives to gather once a month on Zoom. And we have, we. This year we've been having guest speakers each month, which is really special. And I just really believe in the power of checking in with each other, hearing how we've been, what are the challenges we're going through, what are some of the wins we've had, what are our best case scenarios, what are our dreams, what do we want to see more of in this lifetime? And when we start breaking down, let's say even, for example, you know, what it means to have a museum exhibit and create a project that is seen in a museum and then goes into becoming a book. And then, you know, that I feel like that just makes it possible for us or when we speak about, you know, imagining all the incredible possibilities that can happen within a day. When we, our last call, when we had a intuitive coach right it's just such an incredible space. So, yeah, so we have cultivate and it's. That's another place where people can certainly. Women can certainly come and. And be a part of. I would say the way to do that is just to reach out to me so that I understand your interest. And, yeah, I mean, we're an incredible group. [00:28:50] Speaker B: It is an incredible group. And the amazing part to me is that these are women coming from all over the world. And in our last conversation, we have so many things and feelings that are similar with what we're trying to accomplish. And it was. So it was great for me to hear this week's message because I was like, oh, wow. You know, she's in a different stage of life, but she's going through the same thing, fears and struggles that I am going through. So it was amazing. Thank you so much for putting that group together and giving us that space for us to support each other. [00:29:28] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely, Eva. And you know what? On when you asked, you asked, like, how did I or why did I create that group? And Amicala and I created that group because we both needed it. You know, we both needed a space to feel heard and seen and a group of women who were really going for what they wanted and that we can brainstorm it together. We can hold space for each other. We can see setbacks as stepping stones for future possibilities, you know, and just stay connected in community and move forward in community, understanding that, like, let's not let something that could have been a setback hold us back. Right. Let's move forward and see other ways and opportunities to bring our dreams to life. [00:30:13] Speaker B: Thank you for creating that amazing space because it allows us also to be vulnerable and be very raw. And those are the conversations that took place this week. [00:30:23] Speaker C: Absolutely. Thank you for being part of it. You know, everyone matters in that group, and I'm really grateful for, you know, the opportunity to. To grow together. I think that's really important. [00:30:35] Speaker B: Absolutely. Yeah. Thank you. So the show is ending soon. So in closing, what would you like to leave the listeners with about Judith Ray, the person that she is? What are words of action that you want to give to my listeners? [00:30:53] Speaker C: Well, what I, you know, I think that your message in particular is really strong, like, that we as women always remember the absolute importance of how we show up in this world. And no matter what age we're at, like, I mean, I'm 47. I am totally. I totally feel like I'm just getting started. Like, I am finally coming into, I believe, this, like, sense of Confidence and power and understanding that, like, I'm enough and that we are enough, you know, and to just keep trying and to keep showing up and to. To take up space and to recognize the power of what we've learned in our journeys. Right. There's been so much that I've learned in my own journey as a mom, as a young mom, as a young single mom, as a business owner and artist. There's just been so many incredible nuggets. But I think the most important thing is that we believe in ourselves and that we do everything we can to set ourselves up for success. You know, that may look like something different for each person. Personally, for me, that includes time to meditate each day, you know, if I'm able to. Making time to journal affirmations have been really special for me. And time playing in nature has been incredibly healing. You know, I've often. I've. Well, not often, thankfully, but I've. I've definitely found myself in places where I felt heartbroken, angry, fearful, uncertain about steps forward. But play time in nature has really served me well and helping me regroup and just giving me time for curiosity and time to imagine something that really make. Lights my soul on fire and makes me feel like I am continuing to add to the goodness of this world. Right. So that. That's what I would say. [00:32:51] Speaker B: Thank you. What a wonderful superpower you have of knowing who you are and loving yourself. So if our listeners want to reach out to you, where can they find you? [00:33:00] Speaker C: Oh, I would love that. So I have my website, which is judithray.com and then I also have a newsletter that I send out once a week. So definitely, you know, shoot me over your email so I can include you in that email newsletter or you can sign up on my website. Also on Instagram, I'm Judith Ray NYC and where else? I'm also on substacks and LinkedIn and YouTube is where you can find my Women who surf project. So that's Judith Ray, I believe it's just Judith Dash Ray. We can include it in the show notes, hopefully. [00:33:36] Speaker B: Yes, absolutely. [00:33:37] Speaker C: Yeah, those are. Those are some great ways for us to stay connected. [00:33:41] Speaker B: Thank you so much, Judah, for being on the Vital Women and for the listeners. If you like today's podcast, please subscribe and we'll see you next week. [00:33:52] Speaker C: Yay. Thank you, Yvette, for having me. Truly an honor to be here and I. I just deeply appreciate, you know, the space that you hold and the way that you show up in this world. I'm really grateful. [00:34:03] Speaker B: Thank you thank you. [00:34:05] Speaker A: This podcast is brought to you by MHA of Dutchess county and produced by CMJW Entertainment. This episode of the Vital Women podcast is proudly sponsored by Salt Boutique Labs.